Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/27/2008

Question
I was engaged & planning a wedding, even moved in with my fiance. Things were going so well, no issues. He has Diabetes & ED & in the 6 months I lived w/him he got the pills, hasnt taken them. We have never had sex. Been intimate w/ foreplay but no sex, I want sex. I told him I could be patient if all he had to do was deal with diet and weight loss he agreed. I've asked why he wont take them, he says that life is more about being intimate than having sex and that he's not going to do it. He should of told me this before I moved in. The first excuse was that he was afraid to get me pregnant since people use kids against eachother and thats why it doesnt work. Now he feels like its going in a corner and getting reved up then I jump in. He told me since I've stopped planning for a wedding then maybe I should leave in a timely/kindly manner. Then acted nice (only since he felt guilty)& now its back to us barely talking. If we do its a forced conversation with me trying & now Ive given up. Im 20 years younger, he is 50 I have always been an independent woman. (I have 2 children froma previous marriage, 6 & 5) I feel he wants a family but puts no effort into it w/ me. I've asked him for us to talk w/ someone but he wont. I am looking for other places but Im on disability & support since my son has autism. Ive tried a couple of apartments but they said no. I have them in school here and now Im lost & dont know what to do or where to go. I dont have any real family that I can stay with. How am I supposed to move on from this? When he is saying he wont change. I am depressed and so emotionally tired and stressed. His moods change I can't keep up. I am so confused, can you please shed some light so I have a direction to go to and what to do?

Answer
Dear Angela,
Find an apartment or somewhere for you to stay, but staying with him is definitely out of the question.  He has obviously made a decision that he really doesn't want to be in this relationship any longer because he is refusing to take any steps to make it work.  As for not having sex.... well, that is something that you need to decide whether or not is a deal breaker, but the other things that are going on are definitely deal breakers in my book.  It appears that he wants to control the situation and is trying to place all of the blame on you.  The big question here is .... why would you want to marry him if you are unhappy.  Find yourself somewhere to live, pick up a small part time job or volunteer your time, and take care of your wonderful children.  You don't need a man - obviously... Good Luck and Warmest WIshes, Erica