Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/14/2008

Question
So this is the back story on my situation. I met a guy, years ago. Friend of a friend. There was an instant spark, but he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. I was 21 and he was 19. We talked off and on for years. Went through stages where we didn't like eachother and talk about dating. Well, when we were serious about dating, he joined the army. We left on bad terms, we got in a huge fight and he left for boot camp with out a word. He burnt a lot of bridges before he left. So time goes on and I get a phone call when he got back. We talked it out, hooked up and started dating. He asked me that night if I was serious to be with him for 4 years. And I said yes. The relationship grew. I visited him on base, it was a 6 hour flight, but I didn't care, I was in love. He slipped the L word to me once, but I was the first to truely say it. Time goes on, he comes home again. We are together one last time before he goes overseas. He freaks out because I told him that on my
birthday I got really drunk and some guys bought me shots. He walks out on me. Leaves me 4 days, no calls, no text. I'm crying my eyes out!! I'm hurt and sad. He finally text me back saying its over and telling my friend I screwed up. The last time we talked was when I called him at the airport. I told him to be safe, he told me to think of him everyday and that he would call me. 4 months has passed. No calls. No nothing. I was online yesterday and was browsing around myspace and found out he had a profile! I was shocked! I was even more shocked to find out that some 38 year old woman was calling him baby and telling him how sexy he looked in uniform. But she is located in another part of the world, so I don't know how they know eachother. I sent him a message saying hi and hope all is well. No reply, but he deleted all the messages that other woman sent him. I'm so confused! Does he care that I saw those? Don't get me wrong, I'm super hurt! He broke up with me because he sa
id he couldn't be in a relationship. Granted, his status says single, why would some cougar be parading after him and why would he delete it when I saw it? Does he care? And when will he call? I can't wait around forever. As much as I love him, this is slowly killing me. I have given him my heart and want it back. I'm still in love, but seeing others. I don't know what to do or feel. Am I foolish for caring about someone like this? And when/if he calls, what do I do? I just don't think he will call. I have given up hope and my heart. Help!!

Answer
Dear Chantel,
I think that it is time to move on.  You are driving yourself crazy with what if's and maybe's and this or that.  The bottom line is he isn't treating you the way that you deserve to be treated. You state that he broke up with you because guys bought you shots for your birthday.... were these shots innocent or did they lead to a romantic disaster?  If they were innocent then no big deal and he was looking for a way out.  I think that you have done plenty to let him know how you feel and how committed to the relationship you were.  Therefore, I would let him go and see what his next move is.  The big question here is ..... Do you really want to live your life like this??? Warmest Wishes, Erica