Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/31/2008

Question
Hi,

I have a 5 year old son and a boyfriend who is not the father. My boyfriend is 33 years old and still acts like a child, we've been together for 2 years now and it has been really rocky. I try to understand his past and things he went through but things aren't making sense to me anymore. I also don't know if i even love him like before.
he went to prison in the past and was deported out of the US for drugs. this past couple of months I've been finding out all his secrets and lies, which he does admit after a big fight. i feel as if i don't know him anymore. i don't like being around him but i know i still care. i know that he's not the person i want to spend the rest of my life with, problem is, my son thinks he is his father.
what should i do? I'd really appreciate any help/advice i can get. thank you in advance!

Anna

Answer
Dear Anna,
If you want out - then definitely get out... it is normal to still care - we don't just break up with someone and all of those feelings magically disappear.... A relationship is based on respect and trust most importantly.  When one of both of those elements are gone there really isn't much to work with.  If you know that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with him then make the break now and let it be a clean break..... Your son will get through it as well you just have to reassure him of how much you love him and 1 stable parent is wonderful for a child to have.  When you decide to leave please make sure you make it a difinitive decision so that you don't leave any doors open.... Do what is best for you and your son.... Warmest Wishes and Good Luck, Erica