Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/4/2008

Question
Hi!

This is a continuation from yesterday as thought of new info!
I am 30 and she will 29 soon. About a month ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months and am trying to work out the situation so am sorry if this is a bit long winded.

We met about 6 months ago and started dating and pretty much living with each other from the outset. It was great to start with and she even said my flat was too small for 2 people. However for the last couple of months we started arguing over silly things on a regular basis – largely while drinking. I wanted some quality time with her but she had a very busy social life and her housemate was often around.
I have to work very early in the morning and she works quite late. I have been having a stressful time at work. Tiredness, alcohol and stress do not lead to a happy relationship. The arguments were typically about trivial matters like consideration and respect. As a result the relationship started going downhill. I began to realise that if I didn’t react then I would get an apology the next day – unfortunately I was not that self controlled so would argue back and the bickering would start.

As the stress at work got to me, I would try to hold onto her and she wanted space. I stopped doing my hobbies and was happy relaxing at home but she felt guilty as she was out. She used to ring me up and say she was coming round but wouldn’t – this annoyed me. She said that I shouldn’t assume the world was out to get me. I started to suspect that she might have another man.

Our relationship was going badly and I asked her about this person and she seemed uncomfortable – I was a bit like a dog with a bone. Anyway we went for supper and she ended it saying saying we had looked at the relationship and clearly neither of us were happy,( this was true in so far as we had been arguing ) and had drawn different conclusions. ‘I was the most attractive and she loved me as a person but couldn’t handle the hassle ‘ which I can understand. I wasn’t too mature and broke down. She also cried a bit later.  We went away for the weekend ‘as friends’. She kept asking me if I trusted her, which I found tricky but believed her. We chatted a lot and sorted out a few things. She even pointed out that her last ex she ended up going back out with within the year. We had a fantastic weekend away and we both agreed. We even left it as we would be friends and speak in the week.

Anyway I saw her again and she said we needed to make a clean break and please take care. I became insecure during the relationship and was clearly not the same person that she went out with. I have it on good authority that she started seeing this bloke and am not sure if it is due to a rebound or what?

She collected her stuff 2 weeks ago and we went for a drink. It was fun and we laughed and joked but she didn’t mention him. I have had a lot of time to think and would like her back but am not sure if there is a chance or how to go about it? I was thinking of calling her in a couple of weeks or should I leave her to contact me?

Please help…


Answer
Dear Mark,
If she wants to get back together she will contact you... please don't see her or contact her because you will add to your pain... trust me... especially if and when you don't get the response you want.... Please walk away with your self dignity and respect... She broke it off if she wants to be with you... she will let you know... Good Luck you will get through this.... Erica