Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/10/2008

Question
I had my first boyfriend at the age of 21 after many, many
years of downhill dating experiences and I was so blissful
and happy and we met each other thru Myspace so we didn't
know each other before that and also he was  20yrs old but
seemed so mature for his age when I met him, we hit it off
great and jumped straight into a relationship and it was a
great experience, but I had only one issue with him: He  
wanted to spend every minute of his free time doing
something with his friends whether it was going out with
them or going to their houses, I had a BIG problem with
this issue because we lived an hour away from each other
and I only got to see him on the weekends because of our
work schedule and all I could think about throughout the
week was how much I missed him and couldn't wait for the
weekend to arrive so that we could spend some time
together, but that was always opposite of what was on his
mind, he ALWAYS  had plans with his friends already set up
and it started feeling like I had to make appointments to
spend time with him or bid with his friends for his time.  
One day he asked me if I wanted to get a place together
with him and I  agreed but I was also terrified. But when
the time came closer he canceled on me and told me that we
should try our first moving experiences alone, I was
confused but I agreed and then I found out about a week
later that he was apartment hunting WITH ONE OF HIS
FRIENDS! I was so mad because I felt like he had chosen his
friends over me AGAIN! So I was very  hurt and confused,
the first two times I went up to his place(which by the way
WAS STILL AN HOUR AWAY!) I refused to go inside. And this
was a week after his 21st birthday when he moved in and he
started acting different almost immediately, talking about
his "bachelor pad" and I was confused because I thought
bachelor pad meant that you were single, and he and one of
his friends were in their own place, I felt that he was
losing interest because he was in a new city and there were
new chicks to meet (kinda like the sand to the beach
mentality), so he started to act  completely distant from
me, and then about a month later (after  being together for
about 10 months previously) I broke up with him because he
stopped spending time with me all together even when I was
at his place and he didn't really seem to care that I had
broken up with him and everytime that I tried to work
things out with him he'd say "That's ok, I'm good...I'm
enjoying being single" and it would crush me and then he
told me a couple of months later how he had lost feelings
for me(just sort of out of the blue) seemingly after his
relocation to a big city when he had previously lived in
the countryside just as I was, and after trying to get back
with him for over a year, he still wants to be just
friends....which I can't be because it hurts too bad and I
have tried on many  occasions, believe me I have but I
can't do it anymore, I am still extremely close with his
family and friends exactly the same as where we were during
the course of our relationship and I even still talk to his
mom on the phone all of the time for hours.  I keep
dwindling on the small bit of hope that things will work
out for us and we will be back to that happy point. He
still calls and texts me (and gets upset or starts asking
why I didn't text him back if I don't respond right
away..but he does it to me all the time), and keeps talking
about he is my best friend and a bunch of other crap and
then sometimes he shows affection and tries to console me
when I am upset and of course we still have sex
(unprotected), but he still insists on being single or
dealing with other women and showing them a good time. It's
not fair, I am the one who gave him every part of me to
make sure he was happy and he was good to me while we were
together (with exception of the time) but from the outside
looking in you'd think that I was just some random girl and
that we never had a meaningful relationship where we loved
each other.  I want him back so bad, maybe not right now
because I don't want any type of indecisiveness when
someone is with me, I want him to be sure. But he says that
we won't ever be together again(even though we didn't break
up on bad terms and have been "friends" and hung out since
we broke up), and that hurts because I feel unappreciated
for all I've done, I basically acted like a wife more than
the average girlfriend,I cooked for him, helped his mom
with gardening and setting up for festive holidays taking
road trips with him(it's disgusting but on one occasion he
came home with to NJ with me for Thanksgiving and while we
were up there we went to a fast food place and got food
poisoning, and got extremely sick and while driving back we
had to stop at one of his relative's place because of how
sick we were and of course we were there alone and we took
care of each other, and on the way to the house he started
vomiting while he was driving and I had to hold the bag for
him{tell me that ain't love}),just everything! and I don't
get what happened where we went wrong or worse...where I
went wrong?? Please help...should I want him back and what
is it that I need to do for a better possibility? Do I need
to stay away for a few months or years or just stay around
and hope that he sees me for what I am?

Answer
Hi...
Please stop talking to him as soon as possible... He is the "icky" factor.  He doesn't make you feel good and rejects you whenever he feels like it, but reels you back in when he wants something.  Let him go... there are better men out there who will appreciate your FABULOUS self and want to spend time with you.  You shouldn't have to beg for any man to want to spend time with you.... ever... you deserve better than that. I, personally, would go to any extreme to make sure that he couldn't get in touch with me and you shouldn't want to be with someone who treats you that way.  You have to show yourself some love and respect and move on.... It will hurt, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.... Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica