Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/2/2008

Question
I met this guy almost a year ago and things
were amazing. We have so much in common
and we really hit it off on all levels. The only
thing, he was just out of a 5 year relationship. I
was pretty upfront with him that I was
concerned about that and asked if he was truly
ready for another relationship. He said yes and
things progressed from there.
Anyhow, we dated for about 10 months and
things got more and more serious. Then, just
under 2 months ago he said he needed a
break but that he loved me and he didn't want
to break up, that he just needed some time.
THEN, he said he did think we should break
up but that he still wants me in his life and that
he really does hope for things to work out in
the future. All the while saying he still loves
me. He told me that he's given himself a goal
of being single for at least 6 months....to be
alone because he had never been alone and
needs that time for self discovery.
I'm not sure what to do at this point. I
understand his need for space and for finding
himself, but I'm having a harder time dealing
with this than I thought. It's a hard position
trying to be his friend.... We haven't spent
much time together these last few weeks, but
he is constantly on my mind. And I feel so
incredibly heart broken because I miss him so
much. And it's not me being in love with the
idea of being in love or having companionship,
the thing is it's me being in live with him and
missing HIS companionship. I often check to
see if he's called or has sent me a text
message. I'm crushed to see that he doesn't.
At this point, I feel like our friendship is one
sided because I'm the one to initiate any
conversation or invitation.
I get so angry sometimes and wonder if I'm
doing the right thing by sticking around, my
wishful thinking possibly getting the best of me
because he has said he hasn't closed the book
on our relationship. Do I stay and continue
trying to be his friend or move on?  I don't
know, I feel pulled in a million different
directions. I miss him and my heart hurts.

Answer
Dear Janelle,
There is no way that I think you should sit around and wait.  Absolutely not.  He may need exactly what he is telling you, but you have a right for closure and to move on with your life.  Of course you are going to feel pulled and angry because he continues to reject you by not initiating contact.... I know this sounds harsh, but he really isn't that into you because someone who is .... does anything they can to be with that person.  Stop wasting your valuable time and realize that if he wants to be with you he will stop short of nothing to prove that to you.  The rejection hurts terribly, the lonliness and missing him aches beyond belief, but if you stop contact there is an end in sight.  What he is doing is being incredibly selfish... not for taking care of him, but for stringing you along and that is exactly what he is doing.  Move on with your life and if he decides he wants to be with you soooo badly well, he will prove that to you and if he never does then you will be grateful that you didn't spend so much precious time waiting for someone who didn't "feel" the way you wanted him to feel.  Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica