Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/10/2008

Question
I know this is strange but it has been four years since my break up and I still miss him. He was my first boyfriend and basically everything I was looking for and ironically everything I am looking for now. We were friends before going out and so we knew a lot about each other and I totaly thought he was the one. We started dating and that's when things got weird. I was the weird one. Maybe because I was young I didn't know who I was but I couldn't be myself around him I was really shy and acted really stupid. But he was still awesome to me and all that. I was scared and depressed for some reason and I broke up with him. No real reason (stupid I know). Anyways, after the break I IMed him to say we can still be friends even though I wanted him and he said yea but we never really talked. Now what bugs me is he came to my work and I just acted like I didn't see him :*( and naturally he left. So I didn't get a chance to talk to him I guess to get closure and make sure it's what I really wanted. He tried again to talk to me but I was dumb and ignored it. I really don't know why I acted so stupid. So I tried to move on and did all the focus on me stuff and date and I keep thinking about him. He has a girlfriend and I believe they are about to be engaged. I thought I was over him, but then I saw him like three times in a week. I never see him and then all of the sudden I see him that many times. I didn't talk to him. But then all those what if thoughts started comming to me and I feel so depressed over it. How could such a stupid mistake at a young age ruin my life in this way. I never wanted to be the person longing for someone else. All I want is true love. So my question is should I let him know how I feel just to get if off my chest or just continue this way. Also if you can give me any advice on just how to deal with this and come to terms with it. I really do miss him and think he is my true love, but I guess not.

Answer
Dear Maja,
I think that you have to really soul search and see if you really want to be with this man or if you are just missing a lot of the qualities that he has.  You don't want to place yourself in this man's life again especially when he is about to be engaged if you aren't necessarily sure.  There had to be a reason why you didn't want to be with him then.  You have to play the whole picture through to figure out exactly where your thoughts and emotions are.  Because you haven't found the man of your dreams yet... that may be why you long for your ex.... this is definitely an area where you need to soul search.... Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica