Expert: ***ERICA*** - 2/19/2008

Question
Hi:
I broke up with my gf of 3 years last night. I felt that things were going in the wrong direction for some time ie: different sexual interests (twice in 3 years (she has some sexual issues from the past))lack of intimacy/affection, lack of common interests, bickering etc. Now I love this girl and cried my-self to sleep last night. I have never been in this position and never had to break up with someone that I did not want to break up with. I felt that I had to do so, because things were just not going to work out. She said last night "we're two people living in the same house" what is that to mean? Is she on the same page? She also agreed that there is a lack of communication/affection etc. My question is, is it normal to feel regret? Should I recognize this as a mistake on my part? Or should I let time  pass and allow it to set in so I can move on? Should I keep a door open? The hurt was/is so strong it makes me feel like I made a bad decision, but  at the same time I feel this was long overdue. Please help me clear my head!!!!

Thank you for your time,

lyndon

Answer
Dear Lyndon,
It is absolutely normal to feel regret and wonder if you did the right thing by breaking the relationship off.  I would take this time and use the no contact rule... which is spend 60 days apart without any contact and see if you miss the routine and comfortability of the relationship or if you truly miss being with her.  Typically, 60 days gives you a great indication as to what you want.  The hurt is going to be very strong for a significant period of time - all normal feelings.... It may have been overdue and you really needed this break.  Try the 60 days and I can almost guarantee that you will have the answer... Good Luck and I wish you the best...