Expert: ***ERICA*** - 2/12/2008

Question
Hi, I'm wondering if you have any advice for me on how to end my relationship with my girlfriend.  We've been together for 2.5 years and have been living with each other for the past 1.5 or so.  We've hit some rough patches and by all accounts, I should have ended after the last one, but something about me just wants to constantly try to fix the relationship.

Through these difficult times and the arguments that followed, I have realized that she is not the one for me.  I still care for her and don't want to hurt her, but she is just not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.  I'm pretty much at the point where I love her, but I'm not "in love" with her anymore.  To make things worse, I am pretty much her whole world, and maybe thats whats driving me away also.

So to sum it up, I need out.  Our biggest arguments are the same ones over and over again, and its getting tiring.  So, how do I get out of this with as little collateral damage as possible?

Thanks for any help.

Answer
Dear Brooks,
First of all I would like to apologize for it taking awhile to get back to you.  My computer system was down and I was unable to access my site.  I am very sorry.

The easiest way to avoid a lot of collateral damage is to be honest, upfront, and most importantly stick by your decision to end the relationship.  We sometimes fall victim to the enjoyment of comfortability and routine... instead of dealing with the pain and lonliness that follow a breakup.  If we deal with the pain and the lonliness following a breakup we are able to make better decisions regarding the "truth" about the relationship.  Therefore, my suggestion would be to think things through and if you want to end the relationship - do it in a very matter of fact, honest, and decisive manner.  I know its difficult, but you have to be true to yourself... just watch that you don't do the yo yo'ing with the relationship because this causes undue hardship.  Good Luck and I wish you the best...