Expert: ***ERICA*** - 2/4/2008

Question
My past records with guys are not so good. So when I found a guy that felt the same way about relationships, I was so happy. He explained to me that when he dated, he never really got emotionally involved with the girl and ended up breaking up with her within a week. That made me nervous, but I was glad when he asked me out. A month passed and we were still together. His family was amazed. I began to think, "Maybe he is the ONE." I was so scared to let myself fall in love with another guy. I had been hurt and torn apart so many times, I wasn't sure yet if I was ready for another. Another month passed, and I began to raise  my head up a little higher. He introduced me to his entire family, and they liked me. As well as my parents liked him. But hen everthing started to fall apart. He began to get busy..and forget about our dates. Then, one day, he told me his ultimate dream, thirty years from now, was to be a single, undating doctor. That hurt more than it should have. I began to feel him pull away from me. A few days later, he broke up with me saying, "I just don't have time for you anymore....but I still want to be around you. You are an amazing person, and I love your company. I don't want to break off all contact with you. I really don't. You're my friend." What should I do? I still have to see him everyday. And he just walks up and talks to me like nothing ever happened between us. Should I try to be his friend? Even though it hurts when he looks at me like I'm just another person?

Answer
Dear Krissy,
Absolutely not!! If he doesn't have the time to date you because your fantastic than you don't have the time to be his friend.  Seriously, I am a firm believer that after breakups - there shouldn't be any contact for a period of time because it is too hard.  Trust me, a lot of people have tried each and every way to remain friends with someone after a breakup and it just hurts a lot more and for a longer period of time. The continual rejection and talking to him as if everything is "ok" makes you feel so much worse.  That is someone getting his cake and eating it too - you are too good for that and deserve much more. So many of us have been hurt over and over and over again - it is a risk that we take when we start to date someone and especially when we really start to get emotionally attached to that person and breakups are one of the most difficult things to go through.  However, I have a saying that I go by that makes me feel alive..... "Love like you have never been hurt, work like you have no money, and dance like noone is watching."  Very difficult to do, but we shouldn't carry our own baggage into another opportunity.  Men respond to NO CONTACT... that is it in a nut shell.... no emails, phone calls, text messages, aim, etc... He obviously has his own agenda.. so, get back to caring about you and let him miss out on the fabulous person that he obviously enjoyed spending time with.  Make your life even more fantastic..... You deserve it... getting hurt is horrible, but in the long run I would rather risk getting hurt and feeling alive than sparing myself the chance for happiness... Good Luck and I hope this helps....