Expert: ***ERICA*** - 2/1/2008

Question
Ok it's like this I've been dating this girl for a 1.5 year everything was great then I got depressed for no reason I kept telling her it wasn't her that was causing it but she insisted we go on break so I could get better & when I'm over it then she'll so back with me well that happened we still talked to each other everday I then eventually got over it but while on break she dated someone else for week but said she felt bad about it & broke up with him I was mad at her but I forgave her & took her back but then my reportcard which was bad then she said she wants me doing better in school then we'll go back out but continued to talk everyday like we was still going out but then one day I did the same thing she did to me but I too felt bad so she forgave but said she had some doubts but then she was okay again then we went vacation for 2 weeks I asked if we can go back out but she said she aint ready for a bf rite now cause she wants to concenstrate on her school work so I said ok then but a few month back she had this friend who likes her who asked if they could go out she said no cause she don't want to ruin their friendship but I don't know what happened during vacation cause when I come back they're dating each other & all she says is she is sorry she hurt me but this guy really cares about her (like I didn't care for her & love her) but she still wants to my friend I said no at first but then I said I still want her in my life so this goes on then one day she texts me saying she heard a love song that reminded her of me then she called me the next day which she hasn't done she has gone out with this new guy the to say hi then the next day she IM's me asking what's up in my life then I started thinking she's missing then I confront her about it she says even if she was she wouldn't tell me cause it's not right for her to say that then we have a conversation about life then we hung up I then realized I'm not completely over her yet & that night I cried the next I'm at school & I'm sitting at school on sidewalk when she comes out of nowhere & hits me in the back of my head & runs off smiling which I'm like what's woth this chick then the next day I'm with all my friends in mcdonalds then I hear she dedicated to me on the radio & it took all I had to not cry in front of my friends (they already hate my ex enough cause of what she did to me) then I think about it & then I text her saying I can't be her friend anymore b/c it brings back to much memories she says she understand & she said she's sad to hear that & maybe it's best for her to so she can get over me too....

What I want to know is what is going through her mind & why she is doing this & what do I have to do to get over her cause I don't even want to think about getting back with her anymore

Answer
Hi....
I have no idea what is going on through her mind or why she is causing you this much pain.  There is no easy way to "get over" someone, but you can try to limit the pain.  I am a firm believer that you need to stop any forms of communication (even if she is the one doing it).  Because the longer the communication continues - the harder it is to get over someone.  Then, surround yourself with family and friends that care about you and have a good time with them.  When the thought of her enters your mind - give yourself 10 minutes a day to think about her and how the two of you were together - then you must go about living your day.  Find an activity that you truly enjoy doing and do it... whether its working out, reading, games, etc.... each day will go by and it will get easier, but in the beginning it feels like your heart is going to be ripped out.  I do promise that you will get over it - it just takes time... time is the only way... Good Luck and I hope this helps