Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/4/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi. I really hope you can help. My boyfriend and I were dating for over a year and we recently broke up (3 days ago). We have argued a lot over the last year over silly things and we usually work things out. I am the kind of person, that when things annoy me, I tell people. That is what i usually do with him to let him know how i feel! Recently, we had a big argument and he said that if I complain about something "stupid" again then we will break up. I asked him what he meant by that and he said that if there is something on my mind i should tell him but not shout and scream about it. Then last week we were suppose to meet up at 4.30pm but he decided to go out with his friends and then go shopping with his mum. I didn't mind but i asked him to tell when what time he would be ready. I ended up going over there at 7.30pm! I was a bit annoyed but i told him CALMLY and then he stared flipping out and said that he can't handle being with me anymore! And now he doesn't want to talk to me. When ever i call and talk about us he tells me to get over it and move on. He says we can be friends and thats it. I really loved him and I really want him back but he seems to want to get over me. What should i do? Please help me....

ANSWER: Dear Stephanie,
Unfortunately when someone makes the decision that they don't want to be with us any longer we have no choice, but to accept it.  The sooner that you accept it the easier it becomes, but it doesn't make the pain any easier.  There isn't anything that you can do to make him want to be with you again - he has to make that decision on his own and from what you state in your email - he doesn't want to at this point in time if ever.  I am a firm believer that when people break up they need a cooling off period with no contact because it is much harder to accept the breakup and to move on when you continue to have contact with each other.  There are a lot of raw emotions involved in a breakup and both parties need to deal with them.  My suggestion to you would be to try and accept that its is over and to surround yourself with people who care about you and for you to begin a new life without him in it.  I know - easier said than done, but necessary.  Start taking care of you and your life.  Use this opportunity to figure out what it is that you want and what you enjoy - get involved in things that you may not have gotten involved with previously.  Try to start taking each day as it comes and slowly but surely it gets a little easier.  You can only change yourself - not anyone else's feelings, decisions, or actions.  I hope this help and wish you the best of luck

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QUESTION: Hi. A little update. My ex-boyfriend wants me back now. But now I'm having doubts. He has broken up with me and got back with me soooo many times before and i don't want to go through it all again. But he promises that he will change and never do it again. So I am stuck again! I really do love him but i can't go through the pain gain. And when i spoke to him he was really upset and was crying! I've only ever seen him cry once before and that was when his dad died. I know it is really hurting him and i feel bad for making him feel this way. And now there is a new guy on the scene. I've known him for a couple of years but now I'm starting to feel for him in a different way. What would you do in my situation?????

Answer
Hi Stephanie....
Why don't you take some time for you instead of jumping right back in???? Take some time to figure out what it is that you want and if this is the person and type of relationship that you really want to have with someone.  Give yourself 30 to 60 days of singleness.... It can only answer a lot of questions and make you feel great about you.... Good Luck....