Expert: ***ERICA*** - 2/9/2008

Question
On February 4th my girlfriend of nine months (on the 5th) dumped me. Her reason was that she can't trust me anymore. She asked me to stop smoking weed, something that I told her that I would do for her. She was fine with it for the first 8 months, but early January she asked me to stop. I tried but my will power gave out. She saw my eyes when I picked her up, she dumped me 10 minutes later. She found out a week earlier that I smoked, but I told her on my own. She didn't say a word to me when I dropped her off and was greeted in the morning with a text reading: "We are through". We kept talking and she forgave me the next day. We planned to see each other on Valentines Day and take a one month break. But we never made it that far.

  We were each other's first love, in fact, she said it first. We have so many things in common: Same music tastes, artistic, we LOVE sushi. We went to concerts, ice cream, movies, the beach, everything. Around August, she told me that I was a much better boyfriend than she was a girlfriend. I would always put her well being ahead of my own. I never hit her, I never made her do something that she didn't want to do, I never even swore at her. She would always tell me how much her friends liked me, how lucky she was, how I deserved better, but when she broke up with me she said that she deserves better.

  After talking to mutual friends and her sister on the 5th I have found out that she is repulsed by me. She wants me completely out of her life and never wants to see me again. She thinks of me as a liar. She has told people that she is so happy now, not having to be miserable all the time or lied to etc. She said that she can hang out with her friends now and there is no forced concept being happy with some one and such when he's not that great of a boyfriend. She claims to have moved on and says that she won’t regret a thing. The worst part of it is she denied my request of a proper good bye.

  On the 7th one of my closest friends gave her a call and talked to her. She said that she should be sympathetic for me, but doesn’t know how. He asked her again if she would see me one last time. She said that she needs time to cool off and will let some one know when she will see me again, but until then she doesn’t want to know I exist. Is she warming up? Is she coming back? It’s not exactly like she is jumping into my arms again, but is it a step in that direction? She doesn’t know it but I haven’t taken a hit since Monday.

  I know for a fact that she is on her period this week. Her last one was about a month ago. Is she PMSing really bad? Is she playing mind games with me? Is she done with me for good? Should I try to get her back? Is she worth it?

  If she is truly happy now then I won’t dare take that away from her.

I felt alone everyday of my life until I met her on April 11th 2007. Should a clean and sober me try for her love and trust one more time?

Thanks for reading.


Answer
Hi Alec:  Well, you definitely can't get clean "for" someone else  You can only get sober when you want to get sober and change your lifestyle.  As for your ex..... she told you and your friends - she is through... She is happier and she has moved on.  I, personally, wouldn't suggest contacting her - she has asked for space and by not respecting her wishes it will just anger her more.  Why don't you take this time and focus in on yourself and try to get sober (if that is what you want.) Actions speak much louder than words.  Breakups are painful, but you can't make someone be with you that doesn't want to be with you.  When and if she is ever ready to talk to you again - you will hear from her, but maybe in the meantime you could take a look at your life and make the necessary changes if you choose to do so.... I hope this helps and Good Luck...