Expert: ***ERICA*** - 2/19/2008

Question
My boyfriend of 2 years, and I broke up yesterday. Im so crushed and hurt because I didnt see it coming. We were so happy and just returned from an awesome vacation in Thailand. We've fought a few times, nothing serious, but you know, the usual bickering when you spend so much time with someone. We both go to school full time and he also works on the weekend, as well as being the president of a club. When the situation first aroused, he wanted to go on a "break" but werent seeing eye to eye on that. He wanted to stop talking, hanging out, cold turkey. I couldnt handle that, told him and he decided that we had no other choice but to end things. Not something I wanted at all, but I also wanted to stand up for what I beleive is fair, for myself. He told me the reason for breaking up, was that he felt guilty for not having enough time for me, and felt he wasnt appreciating our relationship like he should. I understood that he had alot on his plate, but coudlnt understand why now. He said it had nothing to do with either of us doing anything wrong. He just needs space. As he broke up with me, he held my hand and touched my face like he always did, which made things alot harder. He also told me that this isnt forever, and that down the road sometime, go for dinner and see if we can continue where we left off. I cant cut ties with him because we still have some exchanging to do as well as some money issues. We are still in good terms, because i love him more than anything in the whole world, and would do anything for him. But I want him to understand that im willing to do whatever it takes. I just dont know what to do anymore, should i move on (I really cant imagine myself with any other), wait for him? or convince him to be with me! I just dont know what to do, or say for that matter. Ive told him how i felt, but i dont want to say too much and make him feel crowded. I want him to realise that Im here for good and he's going to be missing out if he leaves for good. PLEASE HELP!!

Answer
Dear Jessica,
There is nothing you can do to convince him that the two of you should be together.  There is nothing you can do to make him realize that he is missing out on a good thing by not being with you.  The only person's thoughts, emotions, and actions that you have control of is yours.  If you continue to try to convince him - you will just push him further and further away.  I don't know why he is leaving a door open - possibly to come back if he doesn't find whatever it is that he needs to do.  I think that you should close this chapter of your life right now, focus in on yourself and your life, and surround yourself with people who really care about you.  
Breakups are just that - breakups.... he wanted space you didn't believe that to be possible - therefore, you need to let him go and figure out what it is that he wants.  No contact is the only thing that people seem to respond to so, I would try to do that if you can.  It also makes things a little easier if you believe that is possible.  I understand that this is a very difficult and painful time.  Extremely.... But, you are left with two choices - to beg someone to be with you when they are telling you that they don't want to be or hold your own ground, maintain your self dignity and respect and allow him to go... I am a firm believer that if it is meant to be .... it will be.... set him free..... good luck and I hope this helps...