Expert: ***ERICA*** - 2/24/2008

Question
i just am heart broken. i have been with my boyfriend almost 2 yrs now he is 14 years younger than me, last july we had broken up due to his confusion, however we ,at his request got back together late september and at his request we moved in together to a new city new apt in november 2007. since then things have been good ,almost great most of the time .he has a horrid temper not violent but mean he has been working on this I am insecure  to a pointe of nervousness and crying at times however also working on it we have been communicating and doin well very well he also agrees ,at least he tells me this.Love has never been an issue both of us have that 100 % for each other! The last week I have been feeling wierd?? not sure what pms who knows??? but he senses this, i tell him today I just feel like he is unhappy we talk it thru come out ok actually him hugging me saying i love you bla bla so i leave to go to work, i suddenly just loose it incredible feeling of insecurity, self doubt??? so i text him please give me a hug before i go, he text no go ahead just leave its ok, so i start to push texting no please i need one i cant leave he text please just leave dont make me mad its ok why cant you understand your pushing me preassuring me just stop then i freak come back to the house just saying im sorry and panicking (yes issues) so he lost it saying im hurting his health that i push him too much that he is leaving me and doesnt want to be with me no matter etc etc, so i freaking out more please dont leave me etc etc...ok i have to go, so i leave. he hasnt responded to my texts nothing i know he will go. but i admitt to my fault and am trying to fix it he knows this too, but now what its too late, how do i get up? im so so hurt when I know it was me who pushed him to anger that brought this back? i feel like a zombie i truly love him he has touched my soul like no other?

Answer
Dear Ann...
I got lost at one point in your email.... if the two of you have broken up - I would highly suggest that you use this time to deal with some of the issues that you speak of in your email..... your insecurity/self doubt.  We cannot love someone in a healthy fashion without loving ourselves first.... He has some issues that he needs to deal with, but you guys are trying to fix your issues without the intervention of a counselor..... left to our own devices we create a disaster.  I would suggest taking care of you - letting him take care of him and you will find that you will be in a better place regardless of the outcome of this particular situation.  You need to figure out what causes you to feel the way that you do and change some of the behaviors that you aren't happy with.  I understand that it hurts and sometimes we manifest a "great" thing when we are going through a loss to come out and find that it wasn't such a "great" thing after all.  But, if the two of you choose to be together again..... I would suggest a professional counselor to help the two of you through your problems.. they can work wonders... good luck and I hope this helps..