Expert: ***ERICA*** - 2/25/2008

Question
hi, im 19 and a guy, and recently got broken up with by a 21 year old virgin, geeky but stil attractive in a way girl. Basicly, she was really into me, and asking to be my girlfriend. As a defense mechanism because of a past relationship where the girl left me without us having sex after about 6 months (where i felt used because i was too nice), i told this 21 year old that i had a choice to make. I told her i was a virgin, and we should become a couple, but lets have sex. We had been going for two months, and i made sure she knew that i wanted to take it slow, but lead up to it. Basicly, she said we were looking for different things, wanted to wait a year and a half or more, and i might not get it at all. So we kindly went our seperate ways. The next day i sent a nasty message saying she shouldnt put a time on things, and if she kept an open mind then we should be good. I told her that there are more important things to worry about, and lets just go back to before. She only occaisionally responds now, and had it set in her mind that we were looking for different things, despite me telling her you know what, i was a jerk, i can wait, im a virgin too. She no longer wants to be together, and acted liek a real baby about it, in many ways. Heres the thing. Was me looking for a second chance at least reasonable? I am really angry, because now i feel like i want to go and bang girls, and leave them in tears afterwards by not seeing them anymore. I've been used by them, because in every scenario they have led me to believe i was a long term guy for them that would get physical with, and they have both left me on the drop of a dime with little remorse, not even talking to me. I have to stress that I'm not just a horny kid, and both of them knew that. Its just these women of both 6 and 2 months of my life went from really liking me to caring less in an instant, both for different reasons (one cuz i was a wuss, the second cuz i was a jerk). What do you think?

Answer
Hi Chris,
It is normal to feel angry and rejected because you just had these two situations happen to you, but please don't punish the rest of the great women out there who you could be happy with.  You are feeling like you want to punish women because two of them hurt your feelings.  Figure out who it is you are as a person... believe in yourself ... your morals and your values and stay true to yourself.  You are just starting your adult life and have a lot more rejection and anger to go through.... But, if you realize that situations happen and to not take them personally... because we are not going to click with everyone that we are interested in.... Good Luck and I hope this helps.... Do the right thing and be true to you