Expert: ***ERICA*** - 2/18/2008

Question
first i was married 4 8 years.  during that relationship we had 4 wonderful kids. i left him after realizing i didn't love him anymore. i di everything in that relationship. he never helped out. shortly after i went out with someone i worked with not expecting anything to happen . we ended up falling completely  in love. he eventually met my kids. they loved him and he loved them. he later moved in with us and he helped me every day with the kids. helping cook, clean, and took the kids to school. he was 5 years younger than me. never been married and no kids. we got engaged. we we getting married in two months and he broke up with me saying that our life was too stressful for him. he said it had nothing to do with me and that i was perfect and he loved me more than anything but felt too stressed out all the time. should i wait for him and give him space or just move on? i truly love him and he is a wonderful man.

Answer
Hi Tina,
I am so sorry.... this is one of the most heart wrenching emails that I have ever received and I have received hundreds.  I believe that breakups are just that.. breakups.  I don't believe that waiting around for someone is ever the thing to do.  What I do believe is that if you move on with your life and focus in on yourself it makes everything a little easier (if that is even possible).  Then, whether or not that person comes back - you are going to be in a better place.  There is no telling what is going through your ex's mind and don't even try to figure it out because it isn't possible.  I would definitely give him space - no matter what... I would try to avoid any contact during this time even though it will be extremely painful to do so.  Sometimes you have to live in the second to get through it and realize that you can't change or convince anyone of anything.  The only person you can change is yourself.  The next few days/weeks/months are going to be really hard.  You need to surround yourself with people who love you, focus in on the children, and try to get back to a routine with yourself and the kids.  It's a lot easier said than done, but it is the only way to keep yourself from losing your mind.  This is such a huge loss, but everything really does happen for a reason.  Making the decision to move on is just the first step.  It doesn't make it any easier - you still have to go through the mourning process.  However, if you treat this as a breakup... it is going to be a lot easier for you in the long run regardless of the end result.  I wish you the best and Good Luck....