Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/6/2008

Question
Thank you for taking the time to read this.  My girlfriend and I were madly in love with eachother and we spent 100% of our time together everyday for about 6 years.  she really loved me.  we argued from time to time, and we have had occasional periods of separation.  She came back twice, the third time I had to beg her.  She finally came back and we started living together again.  Three months later (December 30th), I kicked her out of my condo after having a huge fight.  She started emailing me, telling me she loved me, and we began seeing eachother during the weekends.  She expressed that being apart was very hard for her, and she said she also felt sorry for me when she would see me sleeping in bed, imagining me sleeping alone.  

Last Friday she said she was planning to come up after she went to a concert on saturday with friends.  I consider her friends to be losers and I told her that.  She said well then I won't go and I'll come up tonight instead(Friday).  I said no, wait until sunday.  Later that night we began emailing eachother.  I said I was going to the concert and told her not to approach me and i would not approach her.  She then said ok, goodnight.  I said get a job and a life, goodnight.

The next morning she sent me an email stating that she considers us to be officially not together, that i will never know how much she loved me, that she doesn't think she's what i need, and that she would be coming up to get the rest of her things.

I panicked, I hate being without her, its the worst feeling I have experienced yet in my life.  Its awful, gut-wrenching pain.  I'm alone completely, I dont have many friends because she and i have been together completely for the past 6 years.  So I have been emailing her and calling.  When I see that she is signed online, I send her an instant messege.  She has been ignoring all of it.  I'm starting to see a shrink (today actually is the first appointment).

How should i interpret her not answering any of my communication attempts?  What should I do--backoff and stop trying to reach her, keep on her until she comes around?  I don't want to lose this girl and I'm having a horrabile time not knowing or talking to her.  Thank you very much.

Answer
Dear Nash,
First of all... I need to tell you that I am brutally honest.. so, I will apologize ahead of time.... but, why would you say some of the things that you have said to the woman that you supposedly love so much? And why would you not want to talk to her in public and why are you guys playing so many games with each other??? And this back and forth stuff is crazy.... Are you guys together because you admire each other and make the other person strive to be the best that they can be - protect each other - love each other - trust each other, etc... or are you together out of comfort, routine, boredom, fear, etc... if it is the latter than going to see a shrink (which is a great idea) and staying away from each other is the best thing you can do because right now - staying status quo - you guys are silently destroying one another and that isn't the right thing to do.  It's actually very sad..... What you have stated in your email isn't what a healthy, loving, and long lasting relationship sounds like.... what you write sounds more like a power struggle, convienence, and game playing situation.  I wouldn't worry about why she isn't responding to your communication attempts... what I would do is focus in on making your own life for yourself, doing great things, and being the best person that you can be on a regular basis.  You need to make new friends and find new interests... maybe when you start feeling great about you - you will want to make the person you are with feel great about themselves as well.... Good luck and I hope this helps.