Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/16/2008

Question
I used to live with my boyfriend. He originally started off as a roommate and chased me for about 5 months. I didn't have any interest in him whatsoever like that. Over time I begin to change and see things in him that brought security and change in my own personal life. We became intimate and both began having feelings for one another. We still proceeded to date others and still live under the same roof. AFter a while I decided I wanted him exclusively. He began to say that he was uncertain that we were on the same page. This went on for months and began to hurt me however, he was there emotionally and at home with me at night.
I finally moved out because our condo burned down and he stayed in my life on a casual, supportive level. We both have told each other we love one another and he remains very strong in my life with communication. He's now stating that he loves me but no in love and wants me to be more independent like him. However, his words that I hear keeps me hanging on hoping when he moves back in to his condo this weekend that he will want me back there.
I am very hurt and love him very much. It's a yo yo... I don't understand why he is so afraid to move forward with me. PLEASE tell me what I need to do. I am hanging.

Answer
Dear Jennifer,
Please stop hanging.  He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you - period.  Or if he does you need to have no contact with him and figure it out, but the good thing about no contact is that the pain eventually ends and it allows one of two things to happen.... eventually you will be over him and may have saved a friendship or 2.. he will realize that he needs and wants you in his life.  Men aren't as complicated as we like to believe them to be.  They want the same things that we do, but sometimes they just aren't into us as there are men that we just aren't into.  You are holding on to hope because of the intimacy that you shared and think that things will turn out "differently."  Staying status quo... they don't.  Trust me... I have been in a similar type of situation.  What man wouldn't love for a woman to fill all of his needs with the option to still go and do whatever it is that he wants to do with whomever he would like to.... 100% of them.... you need to take a painful stand and atleast give yourself the ability to see a light at the end of the tunnel..... Good luck during this very painful time and I hope this helps...