Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/11/2008

Question
hello!  thanks for your time.  i don't know if its ok for me to right you a question on account that me and my girlfriend are still together, but i think we are on the verge of a break up.  if its cool... heres my situation.

we've been dating unconsistantly for a year.  shes had a lot of things to deal with during and i came into her life at a very hard time for her.  we've worked through a lot and are still working through other issues.  I love this girl so much and something that has recently come to my realization is that she is always getting annoyed of me.  at first i thought maybe it was something she'll get over, but now im kinda losing hope.  i dont know what i do, but she always gives me "the face" like something i said offended her.  i asked her why and she says i dont understand her.  i think i do understand her, but maybe my problem is i dont know what she means by that.  we are both strong willed, stubbern people, and because of this we clash and get into stupid arguements.  i think this is linked to the fact that i annoy her.  i guess im worried because i know if i were in her situation, eventually it would just be too much.  so heres my questions:

are we heading for a break up?

what can i do to fix this?

and if you want to add anything else that you think i should know it would be awesome.  thanks

-david

Answer
Hi David,
From everything that you state in your email - I think that your girlfriend may have some issues that she needs to deal with - perhaps on her own.  Please try to stop taking so much responsibility of the possible failure of this relationship.  You shouldn't have to change who you are or what you want to be with someone.  Relationships are difficult and there are times where we all need to compromise, but compromise is different than changing.  And if you say that she feels annoyed by you - well, that doesn't make you feel great - which is how you should feel (great) when you are with someone that you care about.  I think your girlfriend may need to take some time for her to figure out what is going on with her.  She may have some issues that she isn't even aware of.  But, you have to realize that there is nothing that you can do to "fix" this... you can only change you if you want to change... you can't control anyone or any situation except for yourself.  If something is dragging you down - change it.... But, realize that you have to be happy with who you are and if you are than don't change that to try and make something work that may never work anyway.  Good luck and I hope this helps.