Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/10/2008

Question
sorry this is long!
i met this guy like 6 months ago he came down from LA to FL. When we first
starting talking he told me that he had a baby on the way. My gf is a single
mom and i knew all the drama that would come along with our relationship
and i excepted it. Me and him lived together for about 2months when one day
he told me that the boss he came down here with got fired and everyone that
came down to fl was all going up to kansas and as much as he didnt want to
leave me the money was awesome and he couldnt pass it up. I understood i
cried everyday until he left but i new that it was for a good reason. Well he
left and didnt call me for like a week.. i finally got the balls to call his bosses
phone and find out what was going on. He told me that he was trying to talk
to his ex gf and that he wanted to try to make it work just for the baby. Well
that was it.. i let him do what he felt was right i didnt really have much to say.  
he called me a week later after he told me all that stuff crying telling me how
much of a mistake me made that im perfect for him and that he wanted to be
with me. so we started to talk again.. he got fired the night that he called me
for being stupid and wresling with one of the guys there and biting him. He
stayed in the hotel that they were staying at for like 2 more weeks because he
wanted to save the little bit of money that he did make for a truck. We talked
every night until he left. His baby was born the day that he got in LA.  He
called me like 3 days later and told me that hes sorry he hadnt called that he
was busy with the baby.. he told me that he loved me, wants to marry me,
and that he was coming back to fl as soon as he got 500 dollars (for gas). that
he couldnt stay in LA anymore that he needed to be with me i asked how
long that would be and he told me about 2 weeks. I told him that us talking
on the phone was killing me because all we do is argue, and when we were
together we never got into one fight.. we always talked it out. Well that
conversation happened 3 days ago he hasnt called since.. i tried to call his
moms house, and i left a message today but i havent gotten a call back. I love
this man a whole lot i know that 6months isnt a long time but we were
together everyday and my heart feels like hes the one. ! i know that i am so
tired of waiting i hate that hes not here and up there and god knows whats
going on. I trust him i just dont trust her. I sent him a scrapbook because he
asked for it and somehow it got sent to her house. she opened it and i guess
looked at a few of the pages and called him up saying she had something for
him. she dropped it off all happy and said here got back in her car and left. i
just need to know what to do.. from what u herd do u think hes really
planning on coming back? i kinda feel like hes just playing with my head.. if
he really loved and cared for me he would call me right?

Answer
Dear Heather,
If he really loves and cares about you when you do what you should do which is ..... NOT talk to him until he is in Florida... NOT talk to him until he gets a lawyer to finalize a custody agreement and NOT talk to him until he gets his life together.  You are too FANTASTIC and better than settling for crumbs.... I know it hurts because you have placed an emotional investment into this situation, but look at everything that has gone on.  Do you really want to live this roller coaster ride not knowing day from day what he is going to do - how he is feeling, etc.... that isn't fair to you.  Therefore, until his life is in order and he takes care of what he needs to take care of - let it go and evenually find someone FABULOUS who deserves you and what you have to offer.  The longer you settle for this the more it is going to drive you crazy.  When someone loves you - there isn't this murky feeling - you know where he is, when he is going to call, etc.... they don't "disappear."  Therefore, all of the signs are there that are saying..... I am not that into you.  He wants to know that you are there and always an option, but doesn't want to do anything and everything to make you one of the biggest parts of his life.  Stop settling for crumbs and find yourself the real deal.  Good luck and I know this is painful and hard, but once you accept the realities of the situation you will be able to move on.