Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/16/2008

Question
Hi Sorry this is long but you did say provide as much detail as possible.

My boyfriend broke up with me about six weeks ago after 18 months together, he is in his mid thirties, me my mid 20's.
I didn't think we'd speak again. There seemed to be no reason for the breakup other than that I had scared him by joking about proposing on valentines day, he said I obviously wanted to settle and have kids (which i dont my parents had a very nasty divorce as a child and its completely put me off) and he was not that guy. I was upset but said I respected his decision.
Anyway we exchanged stuff and then he deleted me from his phone, his facebook, his email everything. And then I heard nothing, its been tough trying to move on and everyday I have wanted him back and I had planned to make contact at Easter.

A few days ago I ran into him at the supermarket and he was really friendly and chatty and seemed geniunely surprised and pleased to see me and said we'll catch up later yeah? I was on high that he was so approachable, I was expecting having to make contact myself and that it would be a awkward experience that could backfire.
That night I was online and suddenly after 1 month so was he, we chatted on MSN for an hour as he had strangely unblocked me and we laughed and joked and there was even some mild flirting.
He said he had hoped I would call that afternoon after seeing him and felt a bit down that I hadn't contacted him, and then mentioned that he had been wondering alot recently how I was doing. He kept asking what I had been up to, how work was and saying how good it felt to speak again and how pleasantly surprised he was to see me that day.
Near the end of the conversation he admitted he met a girl a few weeks ago (but only because i asked), he didnt give me any details he said it wouldnt be what i'd want to hear about. I did the dignified thing and said I was pleased for him- in fact I was heartbroken...again
The conversation moved back to us and our breakup and it was upbeat almost.
When he went offline he said, its felt really good to catch up, lets do it again text me, I'm sorry I deleted your number and I'd love to have it again.

I would like to point out that I trust him completely he was not seeing this girl when we broke up, he was always a loyal and loving partner. In fact if anything on occasion he thought I may have been cheating as I work in a very male environment, however I never strayed and I never looked at another man whilst we were together.

A couple of after I'd seen him online later I text him, to see if he would like to collect the remainder of his stuff, he replied immediately and we arranged to have lunch together at mine at the end of the week, again his texts were upbeat and chatty.

I wanted to look stunning and make cook something to blow him away but decided it would be better to wear something I would normally and then sorted a simple lunch to eat instead.
He kept telling me the food was really good even though it was just soup and a roll. He was genuinely really interested in what was going on in my life and kept saying I looked really good.

When it was time to go he stood in the kitchen door looking at me....he said can we have a hug?
I wasnt sure if it was appropriate given his circumstances, to which he replied its not against the law, we should share a hug, I'd like to. He gave me this big lingering hug, squeezing and running his hands across my back which i tried to break off twice eventually, he slid his hand down my arm and held my hand locking fingers grasping hard and then looked into my eyes for a good 30 second to a minute and smiled awkwardly.
It didnt feel like a friend hug it went on too long. He looked sad to leave, and thanked me for lunch and said it was "really really really nice, thanks, thanks for lunch, enjoy your trip, thanks"
He text me about an hour or so after he got back to work to say "Thanks again for the lunch, it was a real pleasant change :-)" I replied saying he didnt need to thank me again, it was a pleasure to see him.

My question is does he just want to be friends or does he still have feelings for me and am I reading too much into this because I want him back?

Do I stay on the periphery as a friend and see what happens? I respect him and don't want to become a pest, he has his life and I have mine, but I would like it to be a life back with each other.
I dont want to start an affair, I want to make that clear but if things ended with this girl I would a second chance, please dont say move on, bigger fish etc, this man is so different from the way I have loved anyone before and its the first time I have ever wanted to win someone back.  

Answer
Unfortunately, you can't win someone back.  If he wants to be with you there is no reason that you need to be the one to make contact.  If he wants to be with you he will end this situation with the other girl, make contact with you, ask you out on dates, etc.  You shouldn't have to be the one to do any of the work as he was the one who broke up with you in the first place.  I wouldn't obsess over what is going on because when you see someone for the first time in awhile its refreshing and sometimes people want to feel like that door is open if they ever choose to go through it again, but they don't always choose to go through it.  Because you still have a desire to be with him and because you still care about him as more than a friend - I would suggest sticking to no contact.  He knows what it is that he needs to do... let him do it.... no contact because then all of his needs are being met by both you and the other girl... Good luck and I hope this helps