Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/29/2008

Question
My girlfriend broke up with me three months ago.  We met at work 2 years ago (and that's how long we were together) and we both were going through the initial phase of separation/divorce with our spouses at the same time.  This may seem like a rebound relationship (and may be) but we fell in love hardcore.  The reason she broke up with me is because of the things that I did to her and myself during the two years.  I was married for 18 years to a very controlling and ungrateful woman.  I went through a period of "freedom" when I divorced her and this led to some very self destructive behaviors which my ex-girlfriend had to put up with.  I know she endured some serious pain and hardships and always tried to support me, until too much was too much.  I have come to terms with the pain and suffering I put her through, and have apologized immensely for what I did.  Since our break up, I have had to deal with things in my life that I've never had to before...like living alone.  This has made me realize what I've lost and how my actions had consequences.  Anyway, just in the past week or so my ex-girlfriend has begun to communicate with me again, and indicating that she still loves me and may want to get back together.  She's said that she has seen and heard that I've genuinely changed and that there may be some hope for us.  My question is what should I do? I am still in love with her and have gone through the agony of the break up, and sort of moved on.  I have begun to have those gut wrenching feelings again after I see her or talk to her, but am not getting any signal as to her intentions.  I've come out and asked her what our chances are, but she's unsure.  Please give some direction as to what I should do.  Thanks.

Answer
Dear Ramzi,
I would definitely continue taking care of you.... You said that you started to deal with things that you never dealt with before like living alone which can be really really hard.  When we are use to being in a relationship sometimes we tend to get into other relationships just to not have to be alone, but if you give yourself that time to be alone you may find that it was the best gift you could have given yourself.  It allows you to grow, to become comfortable with you, to realize what you want, to change the areas in your life that you aren't completely happy with, etc.  I would suggest taking things slow with your ex if her intentions are to get back together.  Concentrate on you and your life because that is what started getting you through all of these major transitions.  I would sit back and just continue to take care of you and enjoy the much needed time by yourself.  I hope this helps and good luck.  Warmest Wishes, Erica