Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/21/2008

Question
My BF and met online and quickly became fast friends and more.  Things were great- same pages, talks of our future,etc...one talk about our future has turned everything sour- children!  I was never sure I wanted children and he dismissed it at 1st only to come back after a few months of happiness(and what I thought was CLEAR communication) he began to distance himself. I asked him what was wrong. And he says he can't marry someone who doesn't want children- and though he wants to continue the relationship he wants to refrain from talking about out future. We're both in our late 20's and ready to settle down. Today was the 1st day that we have not spoken. Is it safe to say this is headed no where. Oh and he sent my text referring to me as his buddy.  i realize the issue of kids is quite a big issue, but its very early for it to be such a concern.

Answer
Dear Jade,
Actually.... it isn't too early because you are both ready to settle down as you state in your email and children are a big factor in deciding if and when the person you are with is going to be the person that you settle down with.  The two of you really need to figure out individually what your wants, goals, dreams, and desires are and then collectively sit down and discuss them with each other to see if you match up on the very important issues.  By staying together when you don't want the same things isn't fair to either one of you and if one of you "changes" for the other - you end up just resenting each other.  So, I think that you should both take some time to think about things and then sit down and have a heart to heart talk - an honest heart to heart talk.  Good luck and I hope this helps... Warmest Wishes...