Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/15/2008

Question
QUESTION: my girlfriend and i have been dating for a little over a year.  we were so in love with eachother, but throughout the relationship she would always complain to me how she never saw her friends. i would tell her to hang out with them, but i never wanted her to hang out with them while they were around other guys.  from previous things happening for the same reason.  well last week she decided she wanted to take a break. she went out and hung out with her friends and i did not bother her.  well yesterday she said we had to talk and ended it.  she said that she wants something different other than me. and she still loves me but she doesnt know if she "likes" me and she doesnt know what she wants. she said that she just wants to be alone right now.  i really dont know what to do.  like i am so madly in love with her it hurts. and i know i should let her do her thing or whatever but like i cant go on like this just watching her go out without me and not care or whatever. it just hurts so much to see that the person that you thought you would be with for so long just doesnt feel the same anymore. what should i do?

ANSWER: Hi Mike,
You have to respect her wishes and move on.  The hardest part of a breakup is the feeling of rejection, the inability to accept that it is over, and the hope that people hold on to.  Trust is a very important part of a relationship and if you didn't want her with her friends when there were guys around that was putting restrictions on what she can and can't do and eventually people start to resent that.  If she wants to be with you she is going to be with you and vice versa.  Right now you are powerless - the more you try to be in contact with her the more she will run away... the more you try to convince her the more she won't want it... let her go and do her own thing..... if things are meant to be - they will..... Good luck and I hope this helps...

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: i realize that its just easier said than done you know.  We also work together so its inevitable that we're going to see eachother sooner or later(shes been calling out to avoid me)  I have also found out that with in the 24 hours that we broke up she has moved on and already has a new guy.  Is this just a phase or can she really move on that quickly? i just find that hard to believe that you can say your so in love with someone and you wanna be together forever or whatever and then the day after you break up with them you already have someone else.  Like those feelings cant just disappear in a day?

Answer
Mike,
Typically that does not happen - usually something has been in the works... whether she had an emotional affair or a physical one or both.  But, you can't jump to conclusions because you don't know.  Also, the most important thing to realize is that whether or not she is with someone else doesn't matter as much as accepting that she doesn't want to be with you.  I know that sounds so harsh... but, it is the truth.  I have been there... many many times... Maybe she was letting go of some of the feelings that she had for you while she was still with you so it was easier for her.... we don't know.  But, you need to try and accept this and start living your own life again.  I do know how hard it is.... By trying to hold on to hope you are asking if it is a phase.... you don't know... do you want to waste your time holding on to hope when this may or may never be again?  Good luck.... and I hope this helps.