Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/18/2008

Question
I WAS TRULY DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND WHICH AM STILL IS B/C SHE JUST BROKE UP WITH ME LAST NIGHT THOUGH THE ONE AND HALF YEAR WE'RE BEEN DATING WE HAVE BEEN BREAKING UP AND GETTTING BACK TO TOGETHER BUT THIS TIME IT FEEL LIKE IT'S DIFFRENT AND IT HURTS SO DAMN BAD WHY?WENT SHE WAS DOING IT IT SEEM LIKE SHE DID NOT EVEN CARE WHAT SHE WAS SAYING CRUSHING MY HEART MORE AND MORE THE REASON WHY SHE IS BREAKING UP WITH ME B/C SHE IS NOT ATTRACT TO ME PHYSICAL AND AM NOT HER TYPE BUT SHE SAID HOW CAN SOMEBODY CARE FOR SOMEONE SO MUCH AND WOULD DO ANYTHINY FOR THEN AND NOT BE IN LOVE WITH THEM THAT HOW SHE FEEL ABOUT ME WE BOTH WANT TO BE IN LOVE THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE THEN SHE ASK CAN WE BE FRIEND B/C SHE DON'T WANT TO LOSE OUR FRINEDSHIP B/C WE CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING WITH EACH OTHER HOW CAN I BE JUST FRIEND WITH HER WENT AM TRULY DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HER (PLEASE CURE MY HEART)ASAP

Answer
Dear Rich,
I know that this is a very difficult time and one steadfast rule that I have when people break up is 60 days without any contact before you even try to make an attempt at some sort of friendship.  This gives you time to start the healing process and seeing what the relationship was for what it was.  I know that for me - I believe that I am a wonderful person and when someone in the past has broken up with me I don't let them have the best of both worlds... they don't get everything that I can bring to a relationship and still go and live their life the way that they want to.  I know that trying to be friends right after a breakup is pretty much impossible because the feelings are so raw.  However, she was being honest and physical attraction and being "in love" with someone is very important.  What you describe are the qualities of a great friendship, but not a relationship because in order to have a successful relationship you must be emotionally, mentally, and physically attracted to the other person.  That doesn't mean that there aren't 100's or 1000's of people out there who will be attracted to you physically..... When a relationship has gone through the "yo yo" cycle - it's hard to ever make it work (although on occassion it has been known to happen) but, that was after years of no contact.  You need to take care of your FABULOUS self right now.... surround yourself with people who adore you, find things that you enjoy doing, and spend this time getting to know you again..... It is sooooo painful and difficult, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel... Just remember that continued contact will cause you to remain in pain.... without starting the healing process.  Good Luck and I hope this helps.... Warmest Wishes