Expert: ***ERICA*** - 3/26/2008

Question
QUESTION: i need advice on what i should do. i have a 1 year old son with a guy named rocky and we do not get along at all, we are not compatible in the slightest, i care for him but i don't want to be with him anymore. i am afraid of telling him how i feel because he's very mean and aggressive and says many hurtful things. but he lives in surprise, AZ & my son & i live in phoenix,AZ so i cant do it in person(and i rather not). also what makes it worse is we haven't seen each other in almost three months and since then i have felt this way but towards him i act like everything is fine, even said "i love you" back to him. and on top of that i met a guy who i have a liking towards but he doesn't know and nothing may come of it anyway. what do i do??? please help.

ANSWER: Dear Erica,
If you don't want to be with Rocky.... you need to tell him honestly how you feel and if you don't feel safe then you need to take the proper precautions to make sure that you are physically safe.  If he is a good father than you need to sit down with him to come up with a support and visitation schedule.  However, I would advise not to get involved with someone so fast after getting out of this situation.  You need to deal with the emotions that you still have from this past relationship.  There is plenty of time for relationships.... Enjoy your son (congratulations) these are the best times of their lives.... and take care of you.... Let everything fall into place before you bring another man into the equation..... That way you make better decisions... Good luck and I hope this helps... Warmest Wishes...

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thank you for your advice, but rocky is not a good father. there soo many different things i could tell you about that but the main points are when he had a job he barely did anything for my son and then he quit his job in November and since then he has done anything. no diapers, no money, not even his time to spend with him. he thinks that i have to sacrifice my time and go over to his house for him to see our son. he wont come. second point is he's got an anger problem and smokes weed. so i don't trust him with my son. i don't trust him alone with Tony and i don't want to have to see him every weekend either. so how do i go about the fathering situation?

Answer
Dear Erica,
If you are that uncomfortable and fearful of him then I would refuse visitation and let him take you to court for visitation rights where you can express to the judge your concerns and the judge will take the appropriate actions.  You have every right to go after him for child support as well which will make him get a job and atleast be somewhat financially responsible.  Good Luck and I hope this helps... Warmest Wishes, Erica