Expert: ***ERICA*** - 4/17/2008

Question
My ex girlfriend broke up with me three months ago.  I'm starting to get myself to try and date again.  I met this really amazing girl but I keep having these thoughts that this relationship is going end the way the last relationship ended(it ended because my ex stopped feeling the way she did about me).  I've talked with the current girl about it and she says it won't happen.  But I can't help but keep thinking that. So my question is...what can I do to not have these feelings anymore?

Sorry this is so long, but thank you so much for all your help in advance.

Answer
Hi Peter,
There is nothing that you can do to get a guarantee on a relationship.  Entering into a relationship is a risk... sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't.  I understand that the breakup of your last relationship probably hurt like hell, but the only thing you can do right now is decide if you are willing to take that risk again.  I am also a firm believer that you shouldn't bring any baggage with you into a new relationship so maybe you aren't ready and even though this girl is saying the "right" things... she can't guarantee what is going to happen.  I wouldn't have these types of discussions with her because it makes you appear insecure and that you aren't good enough to be liked.... If you feel that way then you should be on your own until you feel great about you and realize that you deserve to have a relationship with someone who will care, appreciate, and respect you, but to ask for a guarantee - that isn't fair or logical.  The only way to not have those feelings anymore is to not date until you are over what happened and just becauses she left you shouldn't be a personal reflection of you... things just don't work out sometimes.... My favorite saying:  LOVE like you have never been hurt.....  Warmest Wishes, Erica