Expert: ***ERICA*** - 4/30/2008

Question
Dear Erica,

hey there, my name is Stephen, nice to meet you. My situation is that I've been in a long distance relationship for 11 months, with this lovely woman, who I love and care for very much, but every couple of months she breaks up with me badly, telling me that I can't offer her the security and everything she wants, but then usually the next day she comes back saying that she loves me, and still wants to be with me. I don't know what to do about it, I don't know how I can stop this cycle, or if I am even meant to, and just accept it as the way she is, the last time she broke up with me-this was just after her grandmother died-she stole money from a joint account we had, so now I can no longer really trust her, but she claims that she still want to be with me. We talk every single day, at least once, and I love hearing from her, though I am not too sure what I want to do if she's just going to keep breaking up with me time after time, as each time she does it makes me feel worse, and more lonely and empty inside, and I don't know how to stop it from happening. Why will she keep coming back to me, if she'll continues to break up with me?

Also some extra facts that might help: she's 35 years old, living with her parents still, and I'm 22. She has a 13 year old daughter, and she is afraid to move away from home, because of the things her parents threaten her with. Thanks for your help.

Answer
Dear Stephen,
Please run for the hills even though it is very difficult to do so.  She continues to place you on an emotional roller coaster and has stolen from you.  Absolutely unacceptable.  You deserve much more than that.  Basically, just end it and don't accept any contact from her.  It is obvious that you are aware that this isn't a healthy relationship and are sick of being hurt.  If she really wanted to be with you it wouldn't be the way that it is.  She has a lot of issues that she needs to deal with.  If this is meant to be in the future it will be, but love yourself enough right now to get off the roller coaster ride and to take care of you...... I think (from your email) that you know what the right thing for you is.... even though its sad and hard you know this isn't what you want or deserve.  Good Luck and stay strong.  Warmest Wishes, Erica