Expert: ***ERICA*** - 4/12/2008

Question
Well my ex and I broke up almost 8 months ago after dating for 3 years. 3 weeks after our breakup I started dating this terrific guy. We have fun together, we have a lot in common, and he's good to his mother (always a plus!!!). He is respectful and caring. My ex and I broke up because we never got along. He was controlling and jealous. He also did not enjoy doing anything I wanted to. Not a very sociable person. He has been calling me for months now trying to get me back, crying and telling me he would give anything for one more chance. I still love him sooo much. It kills me because I dont know what to do. Everyone thinks Im crazy for even considering going back, but I just dont want to live a life of regrets. I mean, what if?? My ex has recently met this girl from PA on the internet, and now they tell each other they love each other and she wants to see him. This kills me. He told me that all I have to do is say the word and he'll get rid of her. I want him to be happy, but it hurts knowing he's loving or trying to love someoone else. what should I do?

Answer
Hi Kelly,
You may have needed some time for you before getting into this new relationship.  I am a firm believer in spending quite a bit of time alone after the loss of a relationship because its easy to transfer feelings when we don't.  From what you state in your email above I think you made a great decision to get out of the relationship that you were in.  You state all of the things that you didn't like about the dynamics of your relationship.  But, even when a relationship is that unhealthy it is normal to mourn the loss of any relationship because its sad when we lose someone that we love.  However, just as we learn to move on - so do they.  Then we think all crazy thoughts like they are going to be eveything that we wanted them to be with this new person - unless they get a lot of help and really want to change rarely do they.  So, if you are missing your ex for everything that he was and really want to be back in that exact situation - that is what you will get into.  Otherwise, realize that everything you are feeling is normal and keep your own FABULOUS life..... Good Luck   Warmest Wishes, Erica