Expert: ***ERICA*** - 4/11/2008

Question
Please read this, I know it's long but I need help.

My girlfriend and I recently broke up.

We dated for 6 months.

When we first started dating it was amazing. She was basically my first real girlfriend, I have had others but this was pretty serious. (By the way I am 18 years old). Everything was fine. I felt like I actually loved this girl we connected so well. I did everything for her, from driving her from place to place, to buying her an engraved necklace for christmas. Around months 5 and 6 we started fighting a lot over stupid . One day we hung out and she didnt kiss me at all, and we got into another fight. She then decided she wanted a break. (We had a break, during my spring break...what a great vacation)

The first 3 days of the break were amazing...I was venting out not talking to her, enjoying my life, and then one night it all hit me. I had no one to talk to about my life, I had no one to make me feel better, no one to hold or love. It was horrible.

I decided I would call her, and everything would be allright, the seriousness of the situation didn't fully hit me yet.

I called her and we talked and she said the opposite of things I wanted to hear. She said that we fight too much, so my response was that I realize that and I will stop fighting. But then her rebuttal was that it shouldn't have come to this point for me to stop, I should have stopped earlier.

And when I asked if she missed me, she would say "I don't know" and just seemed like she didn't want to get back together.

She came home for break from her college, and I hung out with her. I said I didn't want to hang out with her as just friends. (I don't understand how couples an break up and stay friends, it hurts me way too much) But I agreed that I would take her to lunch.

IT was awkward I was being really quiet, my heart was going a million miles a minute, and I wanted to kiss her every second. We ate and then we left and I tried to kiss her, to which she responded by turning her head. Then that did it, I exploded telling her how much I missed her, and wanted her back, and what she is doing to me. At that point I would have traded anything in the world to be with her. And she kept saying "I dont know" and I asked if we hung out just as friends for a couple weeks or a month if she'd be willing to take me back, and she said she didn't want to get my hopes up.

It was a lot of back and forth talking and then I dropped her off at home. Before she left I gave her the card I made for her with her favorite flowers spelling out "Im sorry forgive me."

To no avail.

I went home stunned and cried for hours, Ive never cried harder. I dont understand why she wouldnt just forgive me and take my word that I would stop fighting! It didn't make sense to me. The girl that told me she loved me. The girl that told me she never thought she could love a person as much as she loved me. The girl that jokingly stated over and over that we would be together for 10 years. That girl wouldn't even give our relationship a second chance.

What hurts the most is I know I would have stopped fighting. I never cheated on her, or even thought about it. I treated her like a goddess, and we occasionally did fight.

I hate it. And I still hate it. It's been about one month since our break, and it still hurts. I dont want to be the ex boyfriend who becomes friends and gets his hopes up. I just wanted to be with her.

I haven't spoke to her, I have ignored her because it hurts too much to talk to her. If I ever see her again I think I will faint. The worst is she's friends with my friends so Im going to have to ignore them all summer. The thought of seeing her, or hearing her voice is a horrible thought.

The thing is, I feel like I just need a girlfriend to fill the hole in my heart. I feel if someone else liked me, and we had a relationship I would be fine. But I still love her, I don't think I will ever be with someone as beautiful or as funny as she was.

Please....help me

Answer
Dear Kurt,
There are a couple of things going on here in my opinion.  First of all - stop beating yourself up for the excuse that you guys fought too much.  That is just an excuse... that isn't a real deal breaker in your situation.  She just doesn't want to be with you and its probably because she has her own agenda and her own life going on.  You can't control her feelings or the relationship.  The only thing that you can control is yourself.  There is really nothing more that you can do - you have told her how you feel... she doesn't feel the same way.  You don't need a girlfriend to make you feel whole, but you do need to fill your life with other things: great friends and family, interests, goals, etc.  Those things will make you feel better about you.... another girlfriend will just be a temporary bandaid that you can keep replacing for years and years and years.  You will find someone just as beautiful and funny and even more someday when the time is right.  Take this time and concentrate on yourself.... what do you want for your life?  Also, never make another person more important than your own sanity (unless you are married to them).... Relationships - unfortunately - end all of the time and its never easy... it hurts.... but, it is part of living and part of growing up... there are going to be girls that you don't have feelings for even though they are great people... it is just how life works.... I promise you that you will feel better about this with some passing of time.  But, don't call her anymore and try to convince her that your the right person for her.... walk away with your self dignity.... We don't ever have to sell ourselves to anyone.... we are too good for that..... Good Luck and I hope this helps you.... You have a long life to live and lessons about the heart are going to happen all of the time..... Warmest Wishes, Erica