Expert: ***ERICA*** - 4/23/2008

Question
Me and my boyfriend started going out in October 2005. It was the first serious relationship for both of us, and we fell in love quickly. In July 2006 he broke up with me, saying that he still loved me, but just wanted to be single.

For over a year, we still saw each other, not really acting like we split up, and in August 2007 we officially started going back out. But things are still not right. The first time we went out, things went from Honeymoon period, to absolute terrible, and now we are going back out, things are good, but not great.

As a person he isn't that affectionate, which hurts, and he doesn't realize how unaffectionate he is. I have spoken to him about this and quite a few other things, regularly, but things never change. Today I properly broke up with him, (have attempted to a few times before), and don't know whether I have done the right thing. I love him so much, and want to be with him, but his actions make me so sad. I am so generous to him, and don't see really any generosity in return, and he has plenty of double standards, which is why I split us up. But I know he loves me. Should I go back to him, or stay single?

Answer
Hi Helena,
There are obvious needs that you have which aren't being met that caused you to break up with him again.  Before I ever argue with a boyfriend - I ask myself... is this a deal breaker?  if it isn't I let it go - if it is then I start to question whether the relationship is for me or not.  You can't change him and make him be what you want him to be.  Some people just aren't that affectionate - where others are.... some people aren't that generous where others are.  However, you should never expect anything in return for your generosity because that will leave you feeling disappointed.  You should only do things when you want to do them and expect nothing in return.  Here is something for you to think about:  He is never going to change... he is going to be who he is for the rest of his life.... is he the one that makes you happy.... are you getting everything that you want from this relationship?  Once you can take a look at that you will be able to answer your question.... sometimes people stay in relationships because they are scared of moving on - and other times people leave relationships because they expect the other person to fill every need in their life.... just make sure you have no ulterior motive with the breakup and you should be comfortable with your decision.  Good Luck... Warmest Wishes, Erica