Expert: ***ERICA*** - 4/29/2008

Question
My 5 month relationship finally ended last week, but it was prob dead a month ago.  My gf and I were doing great (we even talked about having kids/ moving in) and suddenly she wasn't feeling the same.  We talked about it and decided a break would help so we started seeing less of each other.  But when I see her, she was more distant than ever which led to the eventual breakup.  I told her I still love her and am willing to wait for her (she doesn't want me to).  She told me she needs time to herself to sort out what she wants.  I'm extremely confused and am going through a great deal of pain.  I love her so much and am so afraid to lose her.  I told her I'm going to give her space.  What do I do.  I'm in so much pain right now.  I want to fight on and give her space hoping she'll come back to me.  But I know deep down inside she's gone and will not come back.  I can't control myself and I find myself texting her to IMing her.  I think I'm slowly pushing her away from me more and more.  What can I do?  What should I do?  Is she gone forever?

Answer
Hi Tim,
You MUST stop texting and IMing her.... please keep your self respect and dignity even though it is very hard to not want to reach out.  However, keep this in mind - you already told her how you feel and what you want.  There is nothing more that you can do.  We can't control what other people think, feel, or do.  We can only control ourselves.  It is because you are holding on to hope that you are unable to move on and start the healing process.  She told you not to wait - so don't.  I know that it is painful and unfortunately the only thing that helps is time and being around wonderful people and doing things that we enjoy (even though its hard to find enjoyment right now.)  But, I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get through this if you allow yourself to.  Take back your power and begin living your life.  It is normal to feel what you are feeling..... but, she has made a decision and you need to respect her wishes and most importantly respect yourself.  Warmest Wishes, Erica