Expert: ***ERICA*** - 4/10/2008

Question
Hi, my name's Shannon. Me and my ex were perfect for eachother, dated for 1 year, had a great time, ext. The last couple of weeks I could tell he got annoyed with my emotions, which hurt. I cheated on him while we were on a break, tried to tell him what happened, but he wouldn't come see me. So, I just broke up with him. I was fine for the most part, this was two months ago. Recently the guy I was seeing's ex girlfriend called me up at 3 in the morning saying I slept with him. She's crazy, so she e-mailed my ex and told him I slept with her ex while I was with my boyfriend. This isn't true, and although it's not okay, me and this other boy only kissed while I was with my boyfriend. My ex contacted me asking what the deal was, so I told him everything truthfully. I already suspected that he didn't miss me because he never called, never got in contact with me, ext. But when it came out of his mouth that he didn't miss me this whole time, I was crushed. I want to be with him, but it's obvious he doesn't want to be with me. He tells me he loved me with all his heart.. I don't see how that can be true if he hasn't missed me at all. (even before he knew I cheated on him) Do you think he actually ever loved me? Is this just a front he's putting up? I've contacted him a couple times but he seems unaffected.. should I just let it be? I'm still in love with him.

Answer
Hi Shannon,
First of all I really think that you need some time for just you because you are confused with your feelings.  There is a lot of drama going on with this situation.  I would take what your ex says as the truth.  If he missed you - you would know... If he regretted the breakup - you would know.  Therefore, I think that it is time that you move on with your own life, but I don't think that being in another relationship is the answer.  It hurts when we feel the rejection from someone.  It hurts even more when we start to accept it because all of us hold on to a little twinge of hope... hope that they are missing us, regretting their decision, wishing they could have us back, etc.  But, when the truth/reality slaps us in the face - it hurts.  Being honest is always the best way to go, but you don't need to defend yourself in any situation unless you have a reason to and this wasn't a reason to.  When someone attempts to pull you into their drama - as hard as it can be to resist - try to just stay out of it because it doesn't pull you down.  If someone wants to ask you something on their own - answer it if you feel that you need to - otherwise - focus in on you and your own wonderful life.  I would allow things to be and just move on for your own sanity.  I wouldn't contact him anymore because you want to maintain your own self dignity.  It's hard when we still have feelings for someone to just let it go, but its usually the best thing because the more rejection we feel the more we go after them to validate us.... Whatever we chase in life typically runs away.  I hope this helps.... Good Luck... Warmest Wishes, Erica