Expert: ***ERICA*** - 4/20/2008

Question
hi...im risa...and i have a question...well<my bf broke up with me a few weeks ago....and it was a nice break-up, i mean i didnt yell at him or anything....he just held me while i cried.....he said that he wants to be friends and still wants to go to each others houses and i do,too......but since then, he hasnt called me(only when i called him and he had to ignore me cuz he was with his mom, so he called me back...it was a good talk) and i want to call him, but then again i dont...what should i do....also, i think that he likes another girl...how do i deal with that????????

Answer
Hi Risa,
I wouldn't call him.  The longer you continue contact the harder the breakup will continue to be.  Acceptance and trying to move on with your life is the only way to deal with the situation.  If he was thinking about you - he would call.  If he wanted to be with you - he would be.... We always tend to hold on to a little bit of hope and that prevents us from accepting the fact that the relationship is over.  It hurts - I know that and I completely understand.  However, the only person's actions that we can control are our own.  We cannot control what someone else is doing, thinking, saying, or feeling.  That is why relationships are so difficult because we lose a sense of control - we allow someone else the ability to control the situation to a certain degree.  I hope that you can find the strength to realize that continued communication only prolongs the pain.  Give yourself 90 days without any contact and if you still want to talk to him after that - then you can reach out to him.  But, you really need this time to heal.  Warmest Wishes, Erica