Expert: ***ERICA*** - 5/3/2008

Question
I have been in a relationship for 2 years with my boyfriend. Last summer we
had some real problems with him chatting with other women online. I also
found out that he cheated on me within the first year. I have NEVER done this
before, but he agreed to go to therapy and I agreed I would try and forgive
him.

The next year was surprisingly good. He seemed extremely devoted to me. I
saw a loving, attentive side to him I never had. He would tell me all the time
how much he loved me and saw a bright future together. I struggled a lot
with our issues. But I actually saw how hard he was working and started to
feel good about us.

We continued on and things just got better. I still struggled but loved him
very much and wanted to give it a fair chance. Last week we were talking
about our future and I asked him "Do you see us together when were 50? ".
He replied, "Nothing would make me happier". The next day he told me I was
"The ONE". We were both so happy we cried!

Well 3 days later he broke up with me. It was such a traumatic event. He cried
and ran out the door. 2 days later I received a letter from him. Basically
saying he knows that most of the relationships problems were about his
issues,mistakes, and his chronic depression. He says his heart aches from
this breakup, but he feels he needs to be on his own. That this decision is
right for him. I am DEVASTATED. I worked so hard to try and trust him again.
He told me he was happy and things felt good to him. He said I was the love
of his life. The minute I started to really see some progress, he bailed.

The pain I feel is so bad. I have not left my house for days other then going
to work. He told me how depressed he is, how his heart aches for me, but for
me to move on. I guess I am just looking for some insight or advice. THANK
YOU FOR READING!

Answer
Dia,
Let him go.... he has told you to move on so that is exactly what you need to do and when he comes back - hopefully you will be in a better place in your life.  Once trust and/or respect is lost in a relationship it is very difficult to repair the relationship as you have already known.  Life is difficult enough as it is and throw all of these other issues on top of it.... it really isn't worth it when you can meet someone who thinks that you are fabulous and shows you the love and respect that you deserve.  It is never easy to go through a breakup or heartache, but the sooner you let go of the "hope" that we hold on to and really make the decision to move on with your life - the easier it gets and the better off you will be.  You know that you deserve more and now that he has left you - couple that with the fact that he cheated and had online relationships - this is just a recipe for disaster and a lot of unnecessary heartache.  Good Luck.. Warmest Wishes, Erica