Expert: ***ERICA*** - 5/1/2008

Question
Hello.

Well first of all I had been going out with this girl for about 2 years and 1/2 more or less. My problem was that from the star we decided to live together she was 20 and I 22 everthing was perfect, then problems started to happen, we started working teaching English as a second language and I started to change, all I wanted to do when I got hom with her was rest cause I spent most of my time in school and in work, she did also.  The problem was that I started to avoid her and not treat her right like she deserved.  We talked about the problem a lot but there wasn't any real change. Now a couple of days ago we decided that we need to change and we decided to live apart but still be together, but all of a sudden she broke up with me, and what hurts the most is that I really wanted to change I thought about it deeply and when I talked to her she does not want to listen, I feel awful because she does not want to give me an oportunity and I really want to fix thing. My question is what should I do? Wait or give up.

Answer
Hi Juan,
If you really want to be with her and really want to change you need to give her some space and time.  Typically, I love the 90 day no contact rule - that allows both of you to get your lives together and figure out what each of you want and to see if you really miss each other and then revisit it 90 days from now.  Before you do this why don't you gather all of your thoughts together and write her a letter telling her exactly how you feel and everything that you want to say.  Then, give it to her and from that point on let her go.  Anything we chase in life runs away.  If its meant to be it really will be.  But, once you give her the letter you will feel a heavy weight lifted off of your shoulders because you know that you have told her everything that you could to let her know how you feel.  Then, it is up to her to figure out what she wants.  During the seperation really do the things that you want to do and enjoy building your life or focus on something that you didn't have a chance to focus on before.  I wish you the best because a lot of times we don't realize what we have until its gone.  Warmest Wishes, Erica