AboutMiss Relationship Expertise Dating advice, sex advice, relationship advice, questions, pointers, and all other taboos that you were too afraid to ask. No More Cosmo! Get candid answers from the sexpert!
Experience My experience runs the gambit. First and foremost, I am a woman of the 21st century. I've worked in both the health community and erotic film industry. My advice is a combination of the two, practical and forthcoming. I've written and co-edited relationship/sex/health magazines in excess of 5 years, have work experience within the business side of the erotic film industry, worked as a PSO (phone sex operator) for 2 years, have had sensitivity training for sexual abuse and other sexual disorders.
Education/Credentials I've written and co-edited relationship/sex/health magazines, have work experience within the business side of the erotic film industry, worked as a PSO for 2 years, have had sensitivity training for sexual abuse and other sexual disorders.
Question QUESTION: I have been in a situation with this man for over 15 years, and over those 15 years he has hurt me on different times, and each time he asked me to forgive him and I have, but the thing is that I really don't wont to be hurt by him again. I have tried to break off the relationship many, but he has a way to turn everything around to be my fault. I know that ever time I ask about how he feels about me he tells me that he is still doing research, and that is that. I really want to end thing with him and I need help in doing this. Everything that I have said in the past just hasn't worked.
ANSWER: You definently deserve to have a relationship that makes you fulfilled and happy and obviously you've realized that this relationship no longer works.
He's playing the manipulation game and refuses to take responsibility, so what you need to do is just leave. If you live together, pack your stuff and move it out while he's at work or away, and then when he returns tell him your leaving and then remove yourself from the situation.
Breaking up doesn't always require a lot of talking or reasoning, when you do that, you're opening the door for him to argue with you. Don't worry about providing reasons, because he's just going to play that same old game of making you feel guilty.
Tell him you're leaving, and then just leave. If he continues to pursue the situation, just keep repeating 'It's over' or 'I'm leaving" don't engage in the discussion with him.
After that, delete his contact information for all the sources you may have: address book, email account, whatever. Don't put yourself back in a situation where he can manipulate you.
It is not your job to convince him of anything, you're free to leave whether he agrees that it is his doing or not.
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QUESTION: Thank you for the advise. I do have one more question to ask. Whenever i have called it off with him, this is what he does. He will call me at my place of business, at my home, on my cell phone, he has even showed up at my place of business, at my home, and talks sh_ _ to me, and this goes on until I agree to see him again. And once I have agreed to see him again he acts as if nothing has happen. He and I had broke up for the most recent was one year, because he was engaged to be married to another woman that he was involved with at the same time that he was involved with me, and this female contacted me and asked how long had I been involved with V. When I told her that we have been involved for over 15 years, she tells me that they were engaged to be married. When I question him about this he stated yes that he was engaged to be married, I hung up the phone in his face and I was done with him, for about a year I was able to move on with my life and I was very happy. Then one day I received a call from him, I was shocked and taken aback to hear his voice. And once I said hello and heard his voice everything started all over again, he called me every day sometimes 11 to 12 times a day, he would not take no for an answer. I tried to explain to him that I was involved with someone else, but that did not matter to him, I told him to stop calling but he would not. He would harass me all day every day. What can I do to end this?
Answer You do what you have to do to separate yourself from him- block his phone number, that way he can't call you anymore. If he shows up to your work, let your place of employment know that he is someone that is harassing you and not to let him in- there are ways of going about this, but you're going to have to take a serious stand- if he's going to be engaged to a woman and date you at the same time, then that's a serious issue.
If after you break up, he continues to contact you, go to the police and let them know you're being harassed- you don't have to take that and his actions are in serious violation of your personal safety and contentment.
I would break up with him and go ahead and talk to an officer at your local police station. Make them aware of the situation, what has happened in the past, and what your concerns are. They will be able to walk you through this process.
