Expert: ***ERICA*** - 5/5/2008

Question
Hi,

I really like this guy at my graduate school. He is very handsome and experienced with many women. He is quite the ladies man. He has had a girlfriend for about a year but they are long distance and she lives thousands of miles away back home. Actually she lives in a different country across the globe. So she flies to visit him every 3 months or so.

From what I have seen of this guy, just because he has a girlfriend doesn't mean that he doesn't look at other women. He sure likes the ladies quite a bit.

His FaceBook and MySpace profiles have photo albums of him with all these girls in bikinis all over them. You would think that if he had a girlfriend for this long, he would have taken those photos down right, but he hasn't.

So him and I have been flirting, and it's quite clear that he is attracted to me and interested in me, but isn't making a move because of his girlfriend back home.

So one day him and his guy friends were talking, and they were talking about a harcore porn movie that they had seen. I let it slip that I had seen the movie too and the men burst out laughing hysterically. So I said 'well the movie was boring, because it was all naked girls anyway, and none of those girls were even attractive'

Ever since then I have seen him grinning at me from across the cafeteria and giving me 'that look'. Everytime I see him he smiles hugely.

His girlfriend came to visit him and not to be mean, but she is very plain, ugly, and boring. I was expecting her to be a really hot chick with a kickass personality but she isn't. She is also waaaaay younger than him (him and I are the same age) and it's obvious that she likes him a lot more than he likes her. She seems very young and inexperienced about life and extremely naive as to how to handle a man such as this.

Him and I have spent a lot of time talking. Through talking we have found out that we like all the same movies, have the same political viewpoints, like all the same bands, and generally think very much alike. It is scary how much we have in common. I have seen him looking at my body and my breasts numerous times. It's clear he finds me a beautiful curvaceous woman.

Every time I wear a dress and heels, I feel a pair of eyes on me. I turn around and it's him gazing at me from across the distance. When he walks by me he ruffles my hair teasingly. I saw him at a bar before I was leaving to go home and he grabbed my waist and hips teasingly and drew me close to him as he hugged me goodbye.

On that note, I have not seen him flirting with any other women, and at school he studies quietly and doesn't goof around much. There are other really hot girls hitting on him all the time, he doesn't pay attention to them (only to me) and he doesn't flirt with them or any other women.

How long do you think this long distance thing is going to last? Every time he sees me he sort of gives a little 'jump' like a deer-in-headlights kind of thing...when our eyes meet it's clear how badly we want each other.

Oh yeah and he will be in this country studying for another 1-2 years. I highly doubt him and his (very young, naive) girlfriend are going to last another year while they're thousands of miles apart.

- side note - no I do not want to do anything to hurt this girl, I am not evil or vindictive that way. I just feel that if him and I are more compatible, and we have so much more in common, and we want each other this badly...we should be together.

I don't want to tear him from her...I want him to come to me willingly. I'm not going to purposefully be a seductress and steal him away. Although I get the feeling he wouldn't mind being stolen one bit.

Answer
Hi Kristine,
This is very simple... as you state you don't want to hurt her.... Therefore, imagine being in her shoes - and I am sure you wouldn't want it done to you.  So, let him break up with her on his own, give him some time to get over the breakup because no matter what there is always a loss associated with a breakup and then see what he does.... I believe that he should be the one to do the right things if he really wants to be with you.... Anything less than that - you are just his next "victim."  Its not about the fish its about the chase.. Warmest Wishes, Erica