Expert: ***ERICA*** - 5/5/2008

Question
Hello, My question is how am i suppose to get over my boyfriend that I've been dating for the past 4 years. Here is the deal we met back in high school and now were graduating from college but his life isn't going to be in an office its playing for and NFL football team. He has been asked to play for the Baltimore ravens. Now my problem is he wants to break up now bc he is going. He says he needs to focus on the game and whatever. He said 80% is to focus on football and 20% is to be single and see what is out there. Now i know this was coming i just thought he would of changed his mind. I just don't know how to feel about it i want to be with him he is my best friend and I'm in love with him. I'm so scared he is going to regret being with me for so long and everything he has never been single since he started dating me and i was his first for basically everything. I don't know how to give this up or forget about him i cry every night and i don't know what to do i really thought he was the one now he is gone i don't feel good enough anymore.how should i react towards this what should i do?

Answer
Hi Stefanie,
Due to the fact that he wants this breakup there is really nothing that you can do except wish him the best and let him know that you treasure all the beautiful moments that you shared together.  This is a difficult situation as I dated a professional athlete and his whole life is about to change.  The truth is you may be saving yourself from some serious heartache while he experiences these huge changes.  There is a fast life typically associated with professional sports, celebrities, etc.  However, if he is your best friend and the 2 of you were that close he is never going to forget that.  Sometimes it takes time away and learning from various experiences to have someone realize what they have.  There is a saying that sounds so cliche', but is so true:  If you love someone set them free if they come back to you it was meant to be.  However, don't sit around waiting for him because he may never come back - that is the reality of a breakup.  So, the best thing that you can do is treasure the amazing times you spent together, but then get busy with your own life.  Although your life may be a little less fast paced it can be awesome and you deserve that.  Then, when you have created a great life for yourself - whether he comes back or not - you are going to be okay.  The only thing that heals the pain is time.... time is our worst enemy.  There is nothing that can make us feel better during periods of heartbreak.... we just have to heal at the pace we are able to.  Good Luck... Warmest Wishes, Erica