Expert: ***ERICA*** - 5/1/2008

Question
I had been dating this girl for 5 years.  We had a pretty emotional relationship, with lots of great times, but also lots of fights. I didn't live with her but I stayed at her apartment a lot and she started to not come home at night, so we broke up and she moved 3 hrs away to be near her mom and brother.  We ended up getting back together (long distance) and things were better than ever, probably because we only saw each other on weekends, so we didn't fight at all.  Throughout our 5 years I remember wanting to break up with her so many times, it was always me, never her, but I always took her back.  But during the last 6 months or so of our relationship, when we were spending the weekends together, I was actually happy and thought this relationship was finally going to work out.  Then one weekend she went home and I didn't hear from her, and couldn't get a hold of her for six weeks.  When she finally called, she told me she had a new boyfriend, who was a meth addict, and this boyfriend was moving in with her and a month later they were engaged and she was pregnant, (but didn't tell me until 3 or 4 months later).  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  I slipped into a serious depression and am still recovering.  How could she switch gears so quickly from wanting to be with me to wanting to be with a junky like that?  Why does it still hurt so much even though it has been almost 2 years since this happened?

Answer
Dear Will,
It hurts so much because you feel like you were played, disrespected, and let down.  Which if your email is honest - you were unfortunately.  This has nothing to do with you.  This was her own agenda that left you getting hurt and angry in the process.  It is the feeling of disbelief and her bad choices that are causing you to have a hard time getting over this.  Completely understandable.  It will continue to hurt, but you can lessen the hurt once you accept and realize that it wasn't you or your fault.  She had her own agenda, created a life for herself, and made decisions that probably blow your mind.  Look at it this way:  you aren't stuck in this disaster of a mess - thank God..... and you have the ability to move on and find someone who deserves everything that you have to offer.  Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica