Expert: ***ERICA*** - 6/15/2008

Question
Hi Erica

Not sure how to begin.  I went out with a guy about a year ago for 6 weeks and then we spilt because he wanted to. said he couldn't handle a realtionship. anyway we remained friends or i mainly ran after him and he loved the attention.  turns out he started seeing another woman a few weeks after we spilt.  like i said we remained friends and slept with each on and of.  i knew he was using me and i accepted it.  i use to give him money and until recently continued to do so.  we would tell me he loved me and all that even though i knew he was saying the same to this other girl.  i guess i thought i could handle things because unlike her i knew what was going on.  i did consider him a friend as i felt that he knew me.  this has been going on for over a year and i got cross with him on friday because he lied to me.  how stupid is that. he has lied to me contiually for months however i have had enough and stopped contacting him. he will not text me and i would have to be the one to text. i miss him.  even though he makes me feel bad about myself i miss him.  i have been using him as a crutch because my dad died last year. want to call him but i would only be starting on that rollercoaster again.  can handle thinking he is calling her, sleeping with her etc.  its my own fault, its not like i didn't know what i was doing.  i just really wanted to believe that he loved me and we were going to be together.  he said all the right things and i did play along.  how am i going to get over this?  feel used and stupid and even now typing this just want to text him and make sure he is ok.

sorry for the long rant
x

Answer
Dear Jo,
Try to not care how he is or feels because the bottom line is: he doesn't care about how you feel or how you are doing.  It really is that simple.... you have realized exactly what you are doing, but you didn't hurt enough to get out of it nor did you feel good enough about yourself to realize that you deserve more than the mere crumbs he was giving you.  We get caught up in these situations because we think that they will realize - we think that they will come to their senses... they don't.  They have no respect for us with each passing day and you deserve someone who treats you with the upmost respect.  You got what you could from this now it is your choice as to whether or not you continue on this course.... Your choice... you are fully aware of the situation.  If you choose to continue then you will not move on and find that special someone who is really deserving of you... you will continue on this vicious cycle of pain..... you can't be angry with him because you knew the deal... But, as for him being a friend.... I don't see where he was a good friend to you... he was benefitting from the situation - you were settling... you deserve more... stay away..... find someone who thinks you are fabulous.... Warmest Wishes, Erica