Expert: ***ERICA*** - 6/3/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hello
Me and my boyfriend have been living to together for little over a year. He has been such a massive part of my life for almost 5 years. Just recently things got rocky. He declared space a week after I declared space and he showed up on my door crying his heart out for me not to loose him. Then I take him back in and now he wanted space a week after that and the next night came over to try to talk to me I guess but I was half asleep and did not really comprehend anything. So the following day I was expecting him to come home but instead he went out of town to go visit this girl whom knew about us having problems and moved right in. I know that what his doing is stupid idea he is not thinking very clearly and she is so easy. Everyone whom knows us as us keeps telling me this is temporary and he will be back. What should I do to not loose him for good and get a fighting chance.
desperate

ANSWER: Dear Broken Heart,
So, what you are telling me is that you want a man back who just moved in with another woman?  I don't care what frame of mind he is in.  My answer would be NO WAY!!! You deserve more than that for yourself - don't you think?  Why should you have to fight for something?  That isn't what love looks like.... When 2 people are together and they have problems sometimes they need space, but they don't run into the arms of another person... did you?  I think that you really need to sit down and reevaluate your situation.  Is this what you really want from someone and that when the going gets tough... the tough runs to someone else and moves in with that person?  You deserve more than that.... you deserve the best.  Please reconsider.... it doesn't matter what anyone says... that would be a deal breaker for me..... and I hope that it is for you... Warmest Wishes, Erica

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: He did not move in with her but yes he has been spending a lot of time with her so it seems.
I love him and he has my heart and that is the way I am once you have my heart I will be there unconditionally that is how I role. He is a young kid and very smart I see a lot of potiental in him and know that when the time is right he will be the best husband and father ever.

Answer
Bonnie,
I am sorry that I disagree with you and you don't have to like my advice, but I am honest and call it like I see it.  If you want to be with someone who provides you with no stability and continue to make excuses for his BAD behavior than that is what you are saying that you want your life to end up as.  Im sorry, but I believe that anyone and everyone out there deserves more than that.  I give my heart, but I don't allow someone to walk all over me and stay in something when it isn't good for me.  I care too much about myself and know that I teach people how to treat me.... If I allow them to do these hurtful things to me... well, then I am going to continue to get the results that I have been getting.  I wish you the best and hope it all works out for you because it is your life that you must live.... Warmest Wishes, Erica