Expert: Dana Q - 6/24/2008

Question
My girlfriend and I have had a great relationship until the past 3 months. At first she started arguing with me and speaking to me in demanding tones and gestures. Its progressively gotten worse. Now we cant go 3 days without a total blow up fight. We have been averaging 3 good days then one disaster. Every 3 days. Now she says she will not have sex with me because it makes her feel dirty. She says she fells unloved and therefore has no desire to have sex. I do everything I can to make her happy and all she does is berate me and criticize me. When I do something nice for her all she can find is whats wrong with it. I feel like I'm living with a mean roommate. When I ask her for sex she gets mad and says I'm forcing her and it ends up in a fight with me feeling hurt and betrayed. I don't know what else to do. Dumping her and moving on seems the only answer. She says If she starts feeling loved she may eventually start to want to have sex again but gives me no time frame and no guarantee. Help? Should I break up with her.

Answer
Hi John,

Thanks for writing to me.  Well, I assume from your letter that your behavior towards her hasn't changed in the past three months, so there doesn't seem to be a legitimate reason for her to feel this way.  It sounds like this is becoming a pattern of emotional and verbal abuse on her part.  Since there doesn't seem to be anything you can do to make her happy (abusers are never happy with their partners, no matter what), I would agree with you that it's time to move on from this relationship.

Good Luck,

Dana Q