Expert: Dana Q - 6/11/2008

Question
I have been dating this guy for a little over 2 years now. We recently just got our own apt or should i say my own apt seeings how i pay for it. He does not have a job and I need someone more on my level. I have a pretty good job now and is in college for an even better career. I dont want to sound high-maintence but i want someone who is goal-oriented just as i am. When i try to break up with him, he threatens me like ruining the apartment or breaking my things etc. He is a very angry person and I guess you can say Im afraid to break up with him. I feel like he doesnt know what to do without me there guiding him along the way. I cant do that forever. I have my own things to worry about. He always throws things in my face because I have a good job and Im furthering my education like its my fault he didnt graduate or my fault the way his childhood was. I need help as to how I can get him out of my life on a relationship status. Thanks.

Answer
Hi Catherine,

Thanks for writing to me.  There's no need to worry about sounding high maintenance; this guy is an abusive loser and you need to get yourself out of there ASAP.  If yours is the only name on the apartment lease, you can call the police and ask them to remove him.  If not, then you need to quietly formulate a plan on how to get out.  You will need to find out what the legal consequences are if you break your lease.  There may be fees involved (sorry I can't be of more help here, but I have never lived in an apartment).  

If you haven't already, involve trusted family members or friends in this situation.  You are going to need a safe place to stay and you will need someone to be present as you pack up your things and leave, since I get the impression your boyfriend will be home.  You need to take extreme caution when planning this.  He sounds like he could become violent if he knew what you were planning to do.  Be sure to make any calls to those helping you while you are at work.  In the meantime, do your best to pretend like everything is normal when you're around him.  

Most of all, don't let yourself feel guilty or doubtful about leaving.  You are absolutely doing the right thing, and there is nothing more important than your happiness and safety.  I hope this helps.

Good Luck,

Dana Q