Expert: ***ERICA*** - 6/4/2008

Question
Hi there,

My fiance of nearly 2 years decided to run off with my best friend 2 months ago, and now they are engaged and are having a baby.
Our relationship was never perfect, he is a drug addict and I did my best to help him through it. He not only abused me both physically and mentally(in the last months of our relationship), but also beat up our dog. In the end I made him move out so we could work things out. I though we were working things out then 2 months ago he told me there was someone else. I was completely devastated because we were going to get married and I was doing my best to help him with his anger and drug problems.
Over the last two months I have done my best to move on but he keeps calling me, emailing me and writing horrible notes and leaving them on my door step. Every time he does this I get really depressed. I was so down a few weeks ago that I seriously started contemplating suicide because I am not coping.
It also turns out that she is due in 4 months, which means he was cheating on me.
I know I am better off without him, but he has taken all the confidence and happiness away from me and no matter what I do I can't get him out of my head.
I can't even go out anymore. All I do is go to work and go home, that is it and I no longer have any friends because a lot of them have sided with him. Please, I need some advice.

Answer
Dear Zara,
Ouch..Ouch... Ouch.... Stay close to your family and make some new friends.  You really are better off without him.  Being in a relationship is difficult enough - having to deal with his drug issues and other stuff is even harder.  I understand that you wanted to have this wonderful life with him, but you can't have your "ideal" life if you are not with someone who even cares enough about themselves to get their own life on track.  You have to be hurting terribly because you lost a friend and a fiance'.  However, there is something that you can do that will empower you again.  Do whatever it is that you need to do to make sure that you don't communicate with him (for your own best interest) because it does prolong the healing process, start figuring out what it is that you need and set some great goals for yourself, and then start rebuilding a life.  Facing and accepting the reality of the situation is the hardest, but most important step you can take.  Once you make the decision that this is over and that you need to find the strength to move on - everything will start to fall into place, but it happens very very slowly.  Everyone's timing is different, but you have already lost the trust that you once had for him and I am pretty sure that you don't respect him as much as you use to.  Therefore, with these 2 very important elements missing from the relationship you may realize and find that it isn't as hard as you could make it.  Respect and trust are vital in any relationship and friendship and he has obviously betrayed both of those.  Rest assured that you did everything that you could and now its time to take the focus off of him and give that gift to yourself because you deserve it.  Warmest Wishes, Erica