Expert: ***ERICA*** - 6/17/2008

Question
Here is the story. We have been together since she was about 15-16 years old. I am a year older than she is so, not a real big age difference.

I thought we were in love. I still love that girl more than anything but, we had been fighting quite a bit lately and have actually broken up like, 2-3 times before this but always got back together and everything was fine for a while after that but, it seemed like we were fighting quite a bit.

Well, a month ago, she told me that she thought that we should break up and she didn't have the same feelings for me. She said she doesn't love me anymore and the past year she feels like she has just been acting. I don't know what to think about this. I feel betrayed, I feel like she doesn't actually mean it, and I feel like I don't know what to do.

I have tried to cut off communication with her but, I always start talking to her a few days later. I don't know what to do. I love the girl with all my heart and this is killing me.

My biggest fear is her getting with someone else. Another thing, I have found myself feeling lost, suicidal in some aspects and really, I just feel like i'm really nothing without her.

I really need your advice. Please help.

Answer
Dear Brandon,
If you are feeling suicidal you really need to seek professional help immediately.  There is noone in this world that is worth taking your life.  I know that the pain feels unbearable.  However, you will work through this.  If she doesn't want to be with you there is someone else that will, but you must start taking care of you.  Cutting off all communication does allow the healing process to begin.  If she is going to be with someone else - she will do that whether you are talking to her or not.  It isn't going to matter.  There is nothing that you can do to prevent it.  We have no control over other people's actions, thoughts, or feelings.  The only person that we can control is ourselves.  Sometimes we have to get down to the bare basics which is sleeping, eating, and working.  Then, you have to begin creating your own life which is very hard because we want to just sink into a massive state of dispair which is okay for a little while, but life does continue and we deserve to be a part of it.  Because the 2 of you developed such a routine and things that were habit forming - it is very difficult to start a different course of action.  Acceptance is the first key and once we learn to give up the hope and start accepting the truth only then are we truly able to move on.  Also, the only thing that makes the pain go away is time.... it lessens each day, but takes a long time... you must surround yourself with friends and family who care about you and force yourself to continue on with your life... you are young with so much ahead of you... I promise everything will work out... There really is a plan for each of us and sometimes we don't know what it is..... I look back 10 years ago and nothing is the same... I look back 5 years ago and so much has changed... life is a constant cycle of change.... with a ton of ups and downs... but, please talk to someone .... that will help.... Warmest Wishes, Erica