Expert: Dana Q - 7/10/2008

Question
Hi, I have been living with a guy since November of last year, we have been seeing each other since June of 07. We got together after I went through a breakup from a man I was with for 4 years. I realized some time ago, maybe around February that I didnt love this man, nor could I. I started going out constantly without him, avoiding him, and have not had sex with him since February. He's not a bad person, just not the one for me. Unfortunately, I can see that he really cares for me and thinks we have a future.
About four months ago, I met a man that I absolutely adore. I see a future with this man who knows about my at home situation.
I know I need to end this relationship I have at home, I have no doubt about that. My problem is, this man moved into my apartment and both of us have had some rough financial times and are just getting back on our feet. I know there is no way to break up with him without hurting him but do I tell him the whole truth (about me loving someone else) or do I just explain the other reasons for wanting to end our relationship (I dont love you, you're not the one, I dont see a future for us). I feel like anything I say will not seem like enough justification for a breakup except for the "whole truth".
So, any ideas on how to make this breakup a little easier for the dumper and dumpee?


Answer
Hi Erin,

Thanks for writing to me. I think gentle honesty is the key here.  Normally, I would tell you to leave out the part about having met someone else, but since you are living together, it's inevitable that he'll overhear a phone conversation or see his car pick you up.  It's better that he finds out from you rather than secondhand.  I'm sure he knows that the relationship is on thin ice since there hasn't been any sex for five months, so it's best to end this now.

Good Luck,

Dana Q