Expert: Dana Q - 7/2/2008

Question
Hi, Dana!

This is a question from your previous follow-up:
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John,

Sorry to hear about your dad's illness.  Given everything you've told me, I would still send the flowers but drop the "love" part on the card.  You can still be a friend to her who wishes her luck on her exam.  Anything more than that on the card will come off as too needy.  Stick to your plan of not contacting her (except for the flowers).  Let her contact you.  She will know you still care about her because of the things you've said and because of the flowers.  When she is ready to talk to you again, she will.  Keeping your promise to her to not contact her again is absolutely critical if you want any chance of getting back together with her.  It will be hard, but you have to do it - no making up excuses to contact her as a friend or anything else.  Give her the time she needs right now.



Dana

---------- FOLLOW-UP ------------------------------------

QUESTION: Hi Dana! I just found out that my ex-girlfriend and the guy is now in a relationship (and calling themselves a couple). Did she cheat on me and not tell me? How could she tell me she is not going to be in a relationship and then start dating somebody like that in 2 weeks? Was she lying to my face? What is going on? Help me understand this situation...how could she try to see me in 1 month?

Her family recently sent a card that was wishing for my father to get better. All her nursing friends were congratulating the them for being an official couple now. Did my ex lie to me? cheat on me? I don't think I can ever see her face again! How should I interpret this situation? I don't understand guys that constantly approach a girl who is in a relationship ...and it is partially her willingness too that takes into account...but I just can't understand guys who are always on the side pushing her to breakup with me to be with them. What can I do, Dana? I tried my best to be faithful for 6.5 years. I told her I want to marry her and she seemed to like the idea..but I guess she wanted to be with him the whole time. But after a 6.5 year relationship, can a girl who truly loved me start dating 4 days later and become officially a couple in 2.5 weeks? It seems ridiculous to me. I feel cheated. Help me understand this situation. Thanks, Dana. Do I still contact her? Do I ignore her for the rest of my life? What can or should I do at this moment?

Answer
Hi John,

There is a very strong possibility that they were seeing each other during your relationship due to the short time it took them to become a couple.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to try to get over this relationship.  You did the best you could to make it work, but unfortunately it isn't meant to be.  Sometimes a clean break is the easiest way to move on.  I would not recommend contacting her again.

Dana Q