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How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/Stopping an Abusive Relationship

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Expert: Dana Q - 7/22/2008


Question
My daughter, "Jan", and her "boyfriend" "Ken" are both 35 yrs. old. Things were fine until Ken lost several jobs and became homeless. Feeling sorry for him, Jan let him move in with her last year. Since then, Ken has not worked more than a total of 10 days, has no money, refuses to work, and refuses to move out. He is draining my daughter dry and she can't get rid of him. He says he now has a "right" to be there because he has lived in her apartment for nearly a year. he says even the police won't throw him out as long as he does not physically abuse her. She is emotionally and financially drained and doesn't know what to do. I don't know either. Any ideas?

Answer
Hi Jim,

Thanks for writing to me.  Don't believe anything he says; he's just trying to scare her because he knows what would really happen if she called the police.  Unless his name is on the lease, she can have him thrown out.  If he is on the lease, she should talk to her landlord about the implications of breaking it.  There is no reason why she should allow this guy to intimidate her like this.

Dana Q

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Dana Q

Expertise

I can answer all questions related to break-ups - including knowing when it is time to move on, freeing yourself from unhealthy and abusive relationships, coping with the loss of a relationship, and strategies for re-entering the dating scene when you are ready. Please include the age of both people involved in the relationship, the amount of time you have been together, and any misgivings or doubts you have about the relationship so that I may give you the best answer possible. Long, complicated questions aren't a problem - I would rather have too much information than not enough!

Experience

I went through a series of bad relationships prior to finding true love with my husband of 4 years. I frequently was the one who ended these unhealthy relationships, including one where I was involved with an emotionally and verbally abusive person.

Education/Credentials
Two B.A. degrees - Literature and French

Awards and Honors
Graduated magna cum laude.

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